Chapter 3
The doorbell rang,"Damn", I said out loud, Mr.Universe was standing on the other side of that door just waiting to mould my now fat ass into something like it used to be.
"Can I help you?" it wasn't Mr.universe at my door; it was a small women proberbly no more than five feet tall and she could not have weighed anymore than 100 pounds.
Her face was tiny yet round, and her eyes were the perfect colour of milk chocolate. Her hair was shiny dark brown and fell to just below her shoulders. She was dressed in black leggins and a pale pink top that ended just shy of her small but perfectly toned thighs. She carried a hot pink back pack and duffle bag, that looked heavier than she did.
"Mr Bon Jovi?" she asked, obviously not recognizing the former rock star she possibly remembered from days gone by.
"Yes?" I answered confused as to why she was standing there outside my door. "Is there something I can do for you?" my voice did have an edge to it and that's when I noticed she looked a little nervous.
"I'm Mara Goodward-Carson. Your mother hired me to train you." why did that name sound so familiar?
"You're my trainer?" No way. There was no way this little miss was training me. What could she possibly show me? she barley looked like she could carry her duffle bags.
"Yes Mr Bon Jovi I am your trainer. At least that's why your mother hired me. Do you have a problem with my training you?
I hope its not because I am a girl. I'm sure your more evolved than that".
Evolved. who did she think she was? "no its not because your a girl, " I sounded. " Good then we can begin," all this said as she marched through my front door. " please show me where you wish to work out, I would like to get started. I have more clients to see today."
I was not sure standing upright was for me anymore, as normally my recliner a bottle of booze and a cigarette was my excercise, but I really did not have the energy to argue with this girl, I chose to resign and lead the way to my new work out room.
I chose to use the loft room which until the equipment had arrived had stayed empty, looking out of the window, was a breathtaking view of the lake.
speaking to Mara I asked, "is this ok" " great", she didn't look impressed. "I'd like to start off asking you some questions and then I can assess your fitness level"
"I can save you time on that. I'm not fit" I tried adding the humor to break the ice, again she was not impressed.
I could not decide though if she was just some hard ass or was she nervous. Her face held a rigid look, but her eye's betrayed that control. It was as if those chocolate eyes were melting in front of me.
Why they hell did they look so familiar?.
" I still have to do an assessment, maybe we could sit over there." she pointed to the two benches tha sat parallel to one another. We walked and sat at the benches, each facing each other, she with her clip board, me with a beer.
"Do you smoke?" " smoke what I joked," "I'll take that as a yes. what about alcohol? Do you drink?" I saw her eyes dart down to my lap. then back to the paper, I didn't need to answer that one.
" Look let me get something out of the way. I do everything that a fit person like you would frown upon, so you may as well just tick yes to every question on your sheet, okay, plus I eat like a horse, and it shows so unless these questions truly are relevant don't bother wasting your time and mine".
"Why do you have a problem with me? is it because I am not a man? do you think I am not up to the task?"
" I did'nt say that."
" You didn't have too, if you would like another trainer just let me know now, I would hate to waste my time." Mara glared at me, daring for me to let her go.......
Thursday 28 February 2013
Chapter 1 - slippery When Wet
Dirty Little Secret
By Mikki Hames
Chapter one
It is commonly assumed that if you have found and
achieved stardom, you have acquired nirvana.
Yet at the end of the red carpet, I found no wizard in
Kansas to grant me wishes of all things necessary. Those of pride, certainty,
love and purpose.
No not for me, the abundance of fame and fortune had me
void of anything else. Celebrity status brought with its glamour, loneliness,
emptiness and dejection.
My family would beg to differ, especially my father, in
his eyes I had been given the world. I am a spoilt prodigy, born with a silver
microphone in his hand, born to stardom and to die of it too.
My stardom may have alluded to a path illuminated with
heavenly pleasures, but in reality it bought me straight to hell.
My name is Jon Bon Jovi, and I am a fallen rock star.
“Forget it Richie, I’m not doing the concert and you sure
as hell aren’t taking over as goddamn lead singer of my band” I threw my cell
phone across the room, straight into my flat screen TV.
Shattering both.
He should understand the reasons why I do not wanna hold
a reunion concert. Bon Jovi was now a memory of my distant past. Hell we hadn’t
played together for 7 years; I hadn’t seen any of the band in that time. I had rarely seen anyone in fact except my
family.
The incident happened in 2003 and had left me pretty much
in hiding, life really sucked for me these days. I failed at loyalty, and
sucked at life in principle. I needed to re build my own self-respect before I
could start dealing with normal life again.
My days were spent wallowing in my own thoughts, drinking
and eating and watching TV, it was a cycle I endured day after day, each day a
blur and ending with me passing out. Those were my days; this is who I was now.
I did not even recognise myself in the mirror anymore. I had gained weight, my
eyes once a sparkling blue were now a dull grey, my hair once pimped to
perfection was long and straggly unkempt, and I had grown a beard to hide my
once boyish features. I bore no resemblance to the Jon Bon Jovi, the American
rock idol that used to parade on stage with leaned toned body and a zest for
life, looking at the reflection in the mirror I did not see any similarities
between the two Jon’s.
There was no way, even if I had wanted to I was in good
enough physical shape or mentally that I could perform again, Richie would just
have to get over it.
I did miss singing though, right now, I had no idea what
my voice would sound like? What the hell was I thinking even considering it, reminiscing
only made my situation worse? Did I miss my past, or was I better off without
it? Could I be led back to hell? I was living that just now anyway, or could I
reappear in the spotlight, somehow rising above the debauchery.
In contemplating my uncertainty, I found myself drifting
back to 1992…….
“Jon, can you believe it? We are headlining our own show,
man?” “Yeah Richie we have climbed that first mountain, we are heading for the
big time, tonight we are headlining the convention stadium, smiling at Richie
we high fived each other. Richie was my main man, my lead guitarist, Richie
Sambora.
Here we stood, waiting to run up those stairs to the
stage and perform to 20,000 fans, most of um females of all ages, young, old,
tough, good girls and the put out girls. Even the good girls would put happily
put out if we asked though, that’s how great life was in Bon Jovi. The Good
girls wanted to lose their virginity to one of us, mainly Richie and I, but the
rest of the guys had their share too.
We were high on life and enjoying the rollercoaster that
was being driven at breakneck speeds,
“it’s time man, are you ready?” “I’m ready Richie, let’s
do this” my heart was pounding like a five year old on Christmas morning, but
the adrenaline pumping through my body was an experience I wasn’t about to give
up. It felt so good, we ran up those stairs and we rocked.
chapter 2 only in my dreams
Chapter Two
Sometime during my dreams I was aware of a key turning in my front door. It had to be my Mom, my dad would ring the door bell before he burst in uninvited, using the spare key that I kept under the mat.
" Jon are you up son", Mom was always a morning person, even if I begged her not to be. I no longer lived in a huge house, the mansion was Dorethea's and the kids now, I settled for a lake house in Jersey still close enough for me to see the kids and close enough for family to still care about me.
The seclusion was perfect for me, trees surrounding the house had given me the privacy I needed away from the grim reality that had become my life. Even the paparazzi left me alone these days.
Sirring from my bed, I called out to my Mom, " I'm up come on in." " look at you Jon, Don't you think its time you got over this? I know this is hard on you, but you cannot turn back the clock, you cheated on your wife and have paid the ultimate price, baby, stop punishing yourself." it's been more than seven years? you can't keep reliving the past son, it's time to move on.
Still chipper mom carried on, oblivious to me listening or not, "Your agent contacted me; he wants to encourage you to get the band back together, the public want Bon Jovi back."
I knew what my Mom was saying was right, but I could not forgive myself for the pain and hurt I put my family through, the pain that was evident in Dorethea's eyes as she walked into our bedroom and saw me making out with another women in our marital bed".
Right then, that night part of my soul died, that night I lost everything that I was working hard to provide for, all for a moments madness and release,and honestly I could not even think about trying to repair the damage or more importantly how too.
That night I had chased after my wife, I had apologised over and over with her, but the hurt was to deep for our relationship to be cemented, the crack was an ocean wide. my infidelity was not the main issue, but the total disrespect I had to bring another women into our bed.
"Jon, I could have coped with the numerous infidelites and indiscretions, but you really thought so little of me, us and our marriage that you could destroy our life in seconds to have your pleasure with some women you knew nothing about and would never see again, Jon, that just proves that you were and never will be the husband and father committed to me or your children, we would simply be a substitute until another better lay came along.
No matter your apologies Jon, I could never ever trust you ever again, and sleeping with you would always bring to my mind the picture of you and that women. please just face it, it's over"
Dotties words stung, each word breaking my heart. But I deserved it and much more, hell to remind myself I kept the newspapers, blaring about my indescretion, the blonde that had been in my bed that night went and sold her story to the higest biding paper. I was front page news. honestly I could not find a way back, and so my daily cycle of punishing myself continued.
My Mom brought me back to reality, "Jon, I'm moving in with you, she waited for my response, I remained silent curious as to what else she had to say, "baby I've hired a personal trainer to get you back into shape, from now on I'm cooking your meals to make sure you eat healthy, you have to stop drinking too; this is not helping your depression, my regret as your mother is that I should have taken care of you along time ago." I nearly cried. "No absolutely not, Mom, I felt like an adolesent again kicking and screaming and directing it all at my mother, " I just want to be alone, why can't you or dad recognise that?"
"because son, your killing yourself, you are my child and I will not let this continue", "but mom, this is not just about Dorothea, I killed my marriage to the one women who made me complete, the night I so betrayed my wife, part of me died too, or had you forgotten that". "of course I have not forgotten son, but nonetheless, I am moving in, by the way, a delivery of some state-of-the art workout equipment is arriving tomorrow, your new trainer comes on Monday". "Mom, No, I was not ready, but that had no bearing, I had pushed my Mom for years and now the boot was on the other foot.
Sometime during my dreams I was aware of a key turning in my front door. It had to be my Mom, my dad would ring the door bell before he burst in uninvited, using the spare key that I kept under the mat.
" Jon are you up son", Mom was always a morning person, even if I begged her not to be. I no longer lived in a huge house, the mansion was Dorethea's and the kids now, I settled for a lake house in Jersey still close enough for me to see the kids and close enough for family to still care about me.
The seclusion was perfect for me, trees surrounding the house had given me the privacy I needed away from the grim reality that had become my life. Even the paparazzi left me alone these days.
Sirring from my bed, I called out to my Mom, " I'm up come on in." " look at you Jon, Don't you think its time you got over this? I know this is hard on you, but you cannot turn back the clock, you cheated on your wife and have paid the ultimate price, baby, stop punishing yourself." it's been more than seven years? you can't keep reliving the past son, it's time to move on.
Still chipper mom carried on, oblivious to me listening or not, "Your agent contacted me; he wants to encourage you to get the band back together, the public want Bon Jovi back."
I knew what my Mom was saying was right, but I could not forgive myself for the pain and hurt I put my family through, the pain that was evident in Dorethea's eyes as she walked into our bedroom and saw me making out with another women in our marital bed".
Right then, that night part of my soul died, that night I lost everything that I was working hard to provide for, all for a moments madness and release,and honestly I could not even think about trying to repair the damage or more importantly how too.
That night I had chased after my wife, I had apologised over and over with her, but the hurt was to deep for our relationship to be cemented, the crack was an ocean wide. my infidelity was not the main issue, but the total disrespect I had to bring another women into our bed.
"Jon, I could have coped with the numerous infidelites and indiscretions, but you really thought so little of me, us and our marriage that you could destroy our life in seconds to have your pleasure with some women you knew nothing about and would never see again, Jon, that just proves that you were and never will be the husband and father committed to me or your children, we would simply be a substitute until another better lay came along.
No matter your apologies Jon, I could never ever trust you ever again, and sleeping with you would always bring to my mind the picture of you and that women. please just face it, it's over"
Dotties words stung, each word breaking my heart. But I deserved it and much more, hell to remind myself I kept the newspapers, blaring about my indescretion, the blonde that had been in my bed that night went and sold her story to the higest biding paper. I was front page news. honestly I could not find a way back, and so my daily cycle of punishing myself continued.
My Mom brought me back to reality, "Jon, I'm moving in with you, she waited for my response, I remained silent curious as to what else she had to say, "baby I've hired a personal trainer to get you back into shape, from now on I'm cooking your meals to make sure you eat healthy, you have to stop drinking too; this is not helping your depression, my regret as your mother is that I should have taken care of you along time ago." I nearly cried. "No absolutely not, Mom, I felt like an adolesent again kicking and screaming and directing it all at my mother, " I just want to be alone, why can't you or dad recognise that?"
"because son, your killing yourself, you are my child and I will not let this continue", "but mom, this is not just about Dorothea, I killed my marriage to the one women who made me complete, the night I so betrayed my wife, part of me died too, or had you forgotten that". "of course I have not forgotten son, but nonetheless, I am moving in, by the way, a delivery of some state-of-the art workout equipment is arriving tomorrow, your new trainer comes on Monday". "Mom, No, I was not ready, but that had no bearing, I had pushed my Mom for years and now the boot was on the other foot.
Wednesday 27 February 2013
Chapter 1 continued
By Mikki Hames
Chapter oneCont….
Coming off stage, Richie shouted, “Oh man, that was awesome, did you see those girls? Looking at Richie, I smiled and said, Richie bro, that’s just the start.
Moving to our dressing room, Paul our Manager caught my arm,” Jon, there’s the Radio ticket winners waiting to meet you,” he handed me a towel so I could dry the sweat from my face, Paul added be nice.
“yeah, yeah, aint I always,” truth be known I was excited to be meeting with the girls that Richie had tagged earlier, and now I was gonna have to play nice to guests that won tickets on a radio show. Oh well the price of fortune and fame I guess.
The sounds of partying were audible from where I was standing in the hallway, but I couldn’t join them backstage just yet. I followed Paul my Manager to the room where I was to meet one of my youngest fans.
As I was day dreaming about the women I’d be hanging out with tonight, Paul nudged me in the ribs, adding a little cough to get my attention. “Jon Bon Jovi, I’d like for you to meet Mara Goodward and her mom Caroline.”
Smiling I held out my hand to little Mara so that we could shake hands, she retracted closer to her mum too nervous to greet me, I continued, “Hi Mara, it’s so nice to meet you, did you enjoy the show?” I vaguely remember her sitting in the front row. Her big chocolate eyes were wide eyed and bushy tailed if that is the correct expression for someone that was star struck.
Standing in the hallway now, Mara continued to look at me with her soft brown eyes, and flushed little red round plump face, still saying nothing. Her mom stepped in to fill in the awkward silence that surrounded us, “I’m sorry Mr Bon Jovi, my daughter is quite shy, but I can definitely speak for her when I say she was enthralled and enjoyed the show immensely, she is only fourteen, but has been following your music since she saw your video on MTV. Her bedroom is smothered wall to wall with your posters. Thank you so much for taking time to meet us.”
Graciously I accepted her thanks and said it had been a pleasure, then looking down at Mara, I leant forward and kissed her forehead, pulling back I looked into her eye’s and the love that was there was totally unconditional, I couldn’t explain it, but this little girl was totally in awe of me; not like the girls who were waiting in my dressing room, no Mara was happy just standing there and looking at me. It was sort of surreal; I’d never be able to put it into words.
I went back to the backstage party and Richie had already picked out a girl for me. She was nice looking, like all ladies were, but truthfully she lacked charisma and character, it was all superficial. Big hair,big boobs, lots of make-up. But she was a willing partner and I really wasn’t complaining.
By the end of the night, I was drunk and I was totally spent and ready to get some sleep before it all started again tomorrow. I was really excited about that, but I wondered if it would all get old too fast.
I was right.
It did get old. Fast. After that first concert in 1992,Bon Jovi had rocketed to number one. By 2001, Bon Jovi had remained the number one rock band for ten years. Writing new songs, recording them and performing on stage were definitely what I was born to do, but the partying that Richie lived for was getting to prove too much. At twenty-nine years old, I felt too old to be doing that anymore. Thankfully I met Dottie, Dorethea Hurley, a wonderful women that I had dated in high school and was my true love and sweetheart, she understood my passion and was truly one of the strongest women I had ever met. Totally comfortable with my leaving home for months at a time,leaving her to fend for herself and bring up our baby daughter. Life really could not be sweeter. Of course my Manager was angry when I married Dottie, “that has blown it Jon with your fans, now what will they say”, “no what Paul, I do not give a fuck”, it’s my life, they can go screw themselves, but marrying Dottie is the best thing for us both, so stop moaning and giving me shit, that you can do nothing about! “
I can honestly say that it was because of my wife that I matured as a person.
During the months I was away on tour I would love to say I was faithful to my wife and our marriage vows but I wasn’t. It wasn’t that I could not hold out for sex until I saw Dottie again, but the lifestyle of a rock n roll star wasn’t too conductive to fidelity, especially being around Richie. He always had different women around him and he seemed totally happy to be in non-committed relationships.
After a show, in whatever city we were playing, I would resign to my hotel room while Richie hung out with the “groupies”.
There were times, though that I didn’t feel like going to sleep or being alone and I found myself letting Richie talk me into hooking up with some desperate, though beautiful women. I wasn’t proud of this, in fact I was a disappointment to myself, but I seemed to find an adulterer on more than a few occasions. I didn’t feel good about this, but none worse than the night Dottie found me in our bed with another woman.
Chapter oneCont….
Coming off stage, Richie shouted, “Oh man, that was awesome, did you see those girls? Looking at Richie, I smiled and said, Richie bro, that’s just the start.
Moving to our dressing room, Paul our Manager caught my arm,” Jon, there’s the Radio ticket winners waiting to meet you,” he handed me a towel so I could dry the sweat from my face, Paul added be nice.
“yeah, yeah, aint I always,” truth be known I was excited to be meeting with the girls that Richie had tagged earlier, and now I was gonna have to play nice to guests that won tickets on a radio show. Oh well the price of fortune and fame I guess.
The sounds of partying were audible from where I was standing in the hallway, but I couldn’t join them backstage just yet. I followed Paul my Manager to the room where I was to meet one of my youngest fans.
As I was day dreaming about the women I’d be hanging out with tonight, Paul nudged me in the ribs, adding a little cough to get my attention. “Jon Bon Jovi, I’d like for you to meet Mara Goodward and her mom Caroline.”
Smiling I held out my hand to little Mara so that we could shake hands, she retracted closer to her mum too nervous to greet me, I continued, “Hi Mara, it’s so nice to meet you, did you enjoy the show?” I vaguely remember her sitting in the front row. Her big chocolate eyes were wide eyed and bushy tailed if that is the correct expression for someone that was star struck.
Standing in the hallway now, Mara continued to look at me with her soft brown eyes, and flushed little red round plump face, still saying nothing. Her mom stepped in to fill in the awkward silence that surrounded us, “I’m sorry Mr Bon Jovi, my daughter is quite shy, but I can definitely speak for her when I say she was enthralled and enjoyed the show immensely, she is only fourteen, but has been following your music since she saw your video on MTV. Her bedroom is smothered wall to wall with your posters. Thank you so much for taking time to meet us.”
Graciously I accepted her thanks and said it had been a pleasure, then looking down at Mara, I leant forward and kissed her forehead, pulling back I looked into her eye’s and the love that was there was totally unconditional, I couldn’t explain it, but this little girl was totally in awe of me; not like the girls who were waiting in my dressing room, no Mara was happy just standing there and looking at me. It was sort of surreal; I’d never be able to put it into words.
I went back to the backstage party and Richie had already picked out a girl for me. She was nice looking, like all ladies were, but truthfully she lacked charisma and character, it was all superficial. Big hair,big boobs, lots of make-up. But she was a willing partner and I really wasn’t complaining.
By the end of the night, I was drunk and I was totally spent and ready to get some sleep before it all started again tomorrow. I was really excited about that, but I wondered if it would all get old too fast.
I was right.
It did get old. Fast. After that first concert in 1992,Bon Jovi had rocketed to number one. By 2001, Bon Jovi had remained the number one rock band for ten years. Writing new songs, recording them and performing on stage were definitely what I was born to do, but the partying that Richie lived for was getting to prove too much. At twenty-nine years old, I felt too old to be doing that anymore. Thankfully I met Dottie, Dorethea Hurley, a wonderful women that I had dated in high school and was my true love and sweetheart, she understood my passion and was truly one of the strongest women I had ever met. Totally comfortable with my leaving home for months at a time,leaving her to fend for herself and bring up our baby daughter. Life really could not be sweeter. Of course my Manager was angry when I married Dottie, “that has blown it Jon with your fans, now what will they say”, “no what Paul, I do not give a fuck”, it’s my life, they can go screw themselves, but marrying Dottie is the best thing for us both, so stop moaning and giving me shit, that you can do nothing about! “
I can honestly say that it was because of my wife that I matured as a person.
During the months I was away on tour I would love to say I was faithful to my wife and our marriage vows but I wasn’t. It wasn’t that I could not hold out for sex until I saw Dottie again, but the lifestyle of a rock n roll star wasn’t too conductive to fidelity, especially being around Richie. He always had different women around him and he seemed totally happy to be in non-committed relationships.
After a show, in whatever city we were playing, I would resign to my hotel room while Richie hung out with the “groupies”.
There were times, though that I didn’t feel like going to sleep or being alone and I found myself letting Richie talk me into hooking up with some desperate, though beautiful women. I wasn’t proud of this, in fact I was a disappointment to myself, but I seemed to find an adulterer on more than a few occasions. I didn’t feel good about this, but none worse than the night Dottie found me in our bed with another woman.
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