chapter 2 only in my dreams

Chapter Two

Sometime during my dreams I was aware of a key turning in my front door. It had to be my Mom, my dad would ring the door bell before he burst in uninvited, using the spare key that I kept under the mat.
" Jon are you up son", Mom was always a morning person,  even if I begged her not to be. I no longer lived in a huge house, the mansion was Dorethea's and the kids now, I settled for a lake house in Jersey still close enough for me to see the kids and close enough for family to still care about me.
The seclusion was perfect for me, trees surrounding the house had given me the privacy I needed away from the grim reality that had become my life. Even the paparazzi left me alone these days.

Sirring from my bed, I called out to my Mom, " I'm up come on in." " look at you Jon, Don't you think its time you got over this? I know this is hard on you, but you cannot turn back the clock, you cheated on your wife and have paid the ultimate price, baby, stop punishing yourself."  it's been more than seven years? you can't  keep reliving the past son, it's time to move on.

Still chipper mom carried on, oblivious to me listening or not, "Your agent contacted me; he wants to encourage you to get the band back together, the public want Bon Jovi back."

I knew what my Mom was saying was right, but I could not forgive myself for the pain and hurt I put my family through, the pain that was evident in Dorethea's eyes as she walked into our bedroom and saw me making out with another women in our marital bed".

Right then, that night part of my soul died, that night I lost everything that I was working hard to provide for, all for a moments madness and release,and honestly I could not even think about trying to repair the damage or more importantly how too.

That night I had chased after my wife, I had apologised over and over with her, but the hurt was to deep for our relationship to be cemented, the crack was an ocean wide. my infidelity was not the main issue, but the total disrespect I had to bring another women into our bed.

"Jon, I could have coped with the numerous infidelites and indiscretions, but you really thought so little of me, us and our marriage that you could destroy our life in seconds to have your pleasure with some women you knew nothing about and would never see again, Jon, that just proves that you were and never will be the husband and father committed to me or your children, we would simply be a substitute until another better lay came along.
No matter your apologies Jon, I could never ever trust you ever again, and sleeping with you would always bring to my mind the picture of you and that women. please just face it, it's over"

Dotties words stung, each word breaking my heart. But I deserved it and much more, hell to remind myself I kept the newspapers, blaring about my indescretion, the blonde that had been in my bed that night went and sold her story to the higest biding paper. I was front page news. honestly I could not find a way back, and so my daily cycle of punishing myself continued.

My Mom brought me back to reality, "Jon, I'm moving in with you, she waited for my response, I remained silent curious as to what else she had to say, "baby I've hired a personal trainer to get you back into shape, from now on I'm cooking your meals to make sure you eat healthy, you have to stop drinking too; this is not helping your depression, my regret as your mother is that I should have taken care of you along time ago." I nearly cried. "No absolutely not, Mom, I felt like an adolesent again kicking and screaming and directing it all at my mother, " I just want to be alone, why can't you or dad recognise that?"
"because son, your killing yourself, you are my child and I will not let this continue", "but mom, this is not just about Dorothea, I killed my marriage to the one women who made me complete, the night I so betrayed my wife, part of me died too, or had you forgotten that". "of course I have not forgotten son, but nonetheless, I am moving in, by the way, a delivery of some state-of-the art workout equipment is arriving tomorrow, your new trainer comes on Monday". "Mom, No, I was not ready, but that had no bearing, I had pushed my Mom for years and now the boot was on the other foot.