Chapter 54 - Billy Get Your Gun

I watched in total horror as Jon collapsed to his knees and lay motionless before me, I knelt down right beside him and called his name and stroked his half naked body, his eyes were shut fast, there was no response, I quickly felt his neck for a pulse, It was there but real weak.

I looked at the cop who had walked us up the stairs, in the moment he had returned fire and shot the accomplice that had been with Chad, he too was laying motionless on the floor, ........ Jon thought he had left,....hell so did I .. God I really  wished I had said something outside to Detective Monroe, all no good now as Jon was laying on the floor dying at my feet.

 I heard my own voice call out, "Get a medic here now god damn it he's dying" I broke the cops concentration,  he was tending the the assole that had shot Jon. he looked across at me, nodded his head and radioed down to get medical assistance. 

As i sat waiting I kept talking to Jon telling him to hang on, willing him to live, and that help was on the way; all the time  while stroking his body, even though I had no idea if he could hear me, I prayed he could, and feel my touch to know he was not alone.  

 It may have all been minutes between him being shot and help arriving but to me it felt like forever. My heart was beating wildly in my chest and my anxiety levels were off the scale, part of me wanted to help Jon, but what if I moved him and I made things worse, what if the bullet moved? would it, could it kill him quicker? Instead I sat waiting, and waiting..... I surveyed his body, he was battered and bruised, dried blood on his back, bruising round his ribs, rope burns on his wrists where the ties had rubbed his skin, but still his good looks could not be denied. 

This man had fought for me, I had caused this to him, I should never have stopped him from killing Chad.... What had I done.... Tears welled in my eye's, where were the god damn medics...... Again I asked, ." Are they coming, please tell them to hurry,  he's dying?" the cop replied, 

" ma'am they are on here way." He no sooner finished what he was saying when the medics arrived. Immediately they bent down to tend to Jon, as they turned Jon on to his back, the pool of blood that had been stemmed while Jon laid on his wound, now started to pour from the hole in his chest. he coughed too and a trickle of blood trickled down his mouth, my hands raised to my face in panic, the realisation and horror sinking in, somewhere I heard a scream, before I realised it was me, the medics paid no attention to me, and carried on saving the man I loved's life.

They fitted him with an oxygen mask, to aid his breathing, Then a third medic arrived with the gurney, they all lifted Jon's lifeless body on to it and moved him out the room at super fast speed.

I can remember answering questions, but could not for the life of me  tell you what they were, I had just switched to auto pilot,  and just following like a lost puppy, one minute I was knelt beside Jon, the next I was sitting in the ambulance holding his hand.  

My legs felt like they belonged to someone else, it was all totally surreal, a nightmare dream, one I was praying I could wake from and find everything was fine.

The reality however, was the dream.... 

With Jon secured safe in the ambulance, and sirens baring,  we drove at speed, destination New Jersey Memorial Hospital.  

 The whole journey could not have taken more than five minutes, and for those five minutes I prayed over and over non stop, i promised god if he survived I would do anything in penance for my sins that  had caused this heartache to Jon and his family.

I had to ask, why? what had we done to anyone apart from fall in love and want to be together? Why were we so hated..... why didn't the cop walk in first, then he would be in ambulance, then I felt immediately guilty for wishing the pain and suffering on another innocent party's family. This was a lose lose situation.  

Minutes later we arrived at the hospital and Jon was taken straight to crash, they worked on him for over an hour,  Nurses and Dr's going in and out of rhesus, all I could do was pace, then sit, drink copious amounts of shit coffee and pray, and of course; I made the phone call to his mom. She was sweet and caring, but naturally scared for her son, she tired to reassure me, but it was not having an affect, I had seen Jon, I saw everything, and in my heart I knew it was bad, real bad. Jesus he had blood coming out of his mouth..... Ma said she would tell the kids and see me as soon as she could, and that I was to have faith and not give up on Jon.  

Sat on the chair by the coffee machine, a nurse came over, "Mrs Bongiovi?, could you give me some details please?" I did not correct her, truth is I loved being called Mrs Bongiovi, but would I ever hold that title, had I earned the right to be his wife after what I had done.... I shook my head and
tried to focus and bring myself back to reality,  I answered as many of the questions as I could, giving as much information as I knew.

We had been together for months now, but when they asked me questions of his blood type, I had no idea.... How could I not know what type he was, ..... I was sure he had told me before, but I could not get my brain to retrieve the information, c'mon Mara, I told myself, "this is a life and death situation." The nurse placed her hand on my shoulder and spoke, "Don't worry, we will find it." she was right, thank fully, they found the details on the data base.
Then Ma arrived, she hugged me, and went straight to reception and filled in the missing pieces of the information I could not give. Walking back over towards me, she and pa sat either side of me, and we all held onto each other while waiting for news on his condition.

Some hours later, the Dr came out, he looked stressed and tired, he stood and asked, " next of kin for Jon Bongiovi?" I stayed quiet, not really confident in my place within the family yet. Ma spoke, " she's right here," then gently pushed me forward.... My voice all but broke as I confirmed I was his next of kin...   The Dr looked at me, a man in his late fifties, he had a serious expression on his face, I was dreading what he had to say. when he spoke it was  as a matter of fact.
" Well, I'm sorry to be meeting you under these conditions, and I wish I had better news..." My heart all but stopped in my chest, was he going to tell me Jon was dead.......