Chapter Sixty Seven

After saying farewell to Richie and the guys, I moved into the kitchen where Mara and mom were stood washing dishes. "Hey aint the caterers here for that?"
"It don't matter, more hands get the job done quicker..." mom stopped what she was doing for a second, "You know I'm so pleased you two are home...." she reached over and hugged Mara and placed a soapy hand on my arm... "You know the physical scars you have both endured, I feel them for you both, and the mental strain will remain with me forever, but knowing you too are safe I can cope with the rest." she gave us a warm smile through eyes filled with tears. All three of us embraced.

Mom broke the embrace and continued with the chores of washing up, and could be heard giving instructions to the waiting staff..." make sure all the food is wrapped and refrigerated, and all the crystal is here to be washed, that needs to be washed by hand not in the dish washer." the waiting staff were a hive of activity as they fetch and carried. Mom was always at her happiest when she was organising.

I gently took Mara's elbow and lead her to the door way so I could talk to her. We both looked around before we spoke, we did not want any of the news breaking in the press before we had time to adjust and start making our arrangements. We both wanted a pretty low key affair with just friends and family and the band,  but if our news leaked we would be hounded day and night and there would always be that someone somewhere prepared to shed more light on events.

I looked down at her beautiful face, the scars of our recent past etched across her elfin features, her eyes still soft despite the body conflict endured by her. stoking her face gently I asked,
"you ok?"
"Yeah, why?"
"No reason just checking..." I smiled my biggest smile, she did the same in return.
"So, did you ask Jessie?"
"I had a long chat with him."
"You did? and?"
"he and the kids are great, they love you and are real happy for us."
"So you spoke to all of them?"
"No, just Jessie, but he knows his siblings..."
"But Jon, I need to know from all of them that they are ok for us to marry?, its not long since, there Mom died, and don't forget I shot her."
"But that was to save my life, it would have been one of us for sure, babe, trust me ok, the kids are fine..."
her face was full of conflict, she nodded her head, but I know she didn't want to. Turning to me she asked, "Can we meet with all the kids, I want to talk to them too."
"Why?"
"Just humor me please..."
"Ok, ok... whatever you want, you know I'm happy for that....." I changed the subject slightly but still in the vein of the kids and our wedding.
"I asked Jessie to be best man?"
her eyes were wide as she waited for me to carry on. " And?"
"He said yes, he's so excited...see, told you everything is gonna be fine..."
"He did?,  that's given me hope...." her smile was broad and she looked relieved to hear the news.
"babes, trust me ok, no one knows the kids like I do." I was trying to affirm and reassure her, I decided I did not want to mention my own doubts I had when talking to Jessie earlier,
"So, can I ask, have you thought about who you would like to be your attendants?"
"I have, but I'm not sharing with you Bongiovi."
"Oh, I see playing like that are we?"
a giggle escaped her lips and she moved out of the doorway and stuck her tongue out at me.
"You better move fast Miss Goodward...?"
"She giggled again as she took off through the house, with me chasing in hot pursuit. No doubt about it that she was fitter and faster than me and more nimble as she ran and made headway in front, with me puffing and chasing behind.
I had to try another tact if I was to catch her, and no one said I had to play fair. I was making the rules... sneakily I went through the guest wing and up the back stairs and round the side hall and down and opened the door to where Mara just rang into the open door.
Laughing I stepped round and grabbed her.
"She was breathless and laughing and fighting my grip, "Hey so not fair, you cheat."
"Yep I am, and?"
"Nothing... still she was laughing and catching her breath, I was laughing too, I enjoying every second I was with Mara.

Chapter sixty six

As the last of the guests left, apart from Obie and the guys, me and Jessie  helped my ma to clear away the dishes, "Aint this a women's job pop?" 
I laughed, "don't let grandma here you say that..."
he smiled at me... "Ok.."
"Jessie, there's something I need to talk to you about..." putting the dishes back on the table I turned him to look at me, I needed to do this right, "c'mon lets go to the den..."
I turned and walked away and Jessie walked with me.
"Drink?"
"I can really?"
"Sure, but only a real small one..."
"Yeah, I'd like that pop.."
I sort out two small shots for me and Jessie, turning to face him I handed him his drink and sat on the edge of the sofa.
"Jessie, there's a few things I need to talk through with you before I get to the main thing I want us to talk about, ok?"
"Sure pop" his face was puzzled and I could see he was struggling to understand what this was about.
I reassured him.
"Hey its nothing bad, ok, just some things I need to talk with you about and your brother and sister too, but I wanted to talk with you first."
his face broke a smile and it was so easy to see his was my son, his features resembled more of me with each passing day he grew.
"Son, how do you feel about me marrying Mara? tell me honestly... ok don't be nervous..."
he laughed, "really?, pop are you serious, you really want me to answer that?, don't you know already?"
I smiled back, "well I think I know, but I just wanna be one hundred percent sure..."
"well I know that I love Mara, she's great, she has given us back our dad, and no matter what has happened to her, she loves you, anyone can see that, and when your happy so are we..."
I was relieved to know that my thoughts about the kids and their feelings towards Mara were as I thought, but the next question was gonna be a little harder. clearing my throat I asked the question I was dreading...
"What about your mom, no bad feelings about us not being together and how she died?"
Jessie looked at me, he swallowed hard before he answered. "no matter what our mom did, she was still our mom, and part of me will always love her I guess...... but watching what she did to you both, and how she got grandma involved, I cant forgive her ever...... " he stammered as he carried out,  and, and, and,  nearly causing us to lose you through her own hatred, well it kills me inside. I don't blame either you or Mara not in anyway..."
I ruffled his hair, and smiled at him sitting in the chair... now came the time to ask the next big favour...
"Son, thank you, and that's form Mara too, she loves you all so much, you know that right?"
he nodded and started looking puzzled again...
"man I am so shit at this father son stuff.... "
I got up and paced over to the window and looked out...  a hand rested on my shoulder, I turned round to see Jessie stood waiting for me to explain...
"Is it something serious dad? you can tell me..."
"well yeah its serious son, serious cause I was hoping you would do me the honour of being my best man."
Jessie's face broke into a smile as he looked at me and answered..." oh man, wow, really, sure I will, I'd love too....but I don't know what to do, can you help me?"
"uncle Rich can...ok?" He nodded as we both hugged each other and enjoyed the moment of being father and son....
"Jon, Mara came to the door of the den, Obie and the boys are leaving and wanna say god bye..."
I nodded, "Be there in one minute..."
She smiled as she turned and closed the door.
"thanks Son, thanks..."
"For what dad?"
"For everything...."
no more words were spoken as we left the den my arms around my eldest sons shoulders to say goodbye to the guys waiting in the lobby.

Chapter 65 - what you know is true

I could not believe my eye's, all my family and the guys from the band were there to welcome me home, the only thing was this was no longer my home, it felt anything but, and although we both could put on smiley faces for everyone today, tonight it was gonna get spooky and we would both no doubt be off and book into a hotel, the images of the break in with Brad, well it had more than unnerved me, the trauma of it had been stamped into my brain.

I looked down at my daughter who was clung to my chest, and Jessie who was slapping my on the back and lil man Jakey wrapped around my legs, My mom then moved around the side of me and took my bag from my hands and out to the study.
"we have really missed you dad, so glad your home, " I smiled down at the figures before me, Richie could always be relied on to get me to say a speech, "C'mon Jon, what ya gotta say to these guy's?"
I walked over to the set that the band had set up, clearly they intended to sing, hopefully with Richie as lead and guitarist, I walked over to the mic and stood looking out at all my family and close friends that had gathered, and then to the women who had been with me through every nightmare in the last year, my Mara, suddenly everything I wanted to say came to mind and I began.

"I guess you all know the trauma that both Mara and me have been through, the stalking, fire, stabbing, break-in and shooting, we have seen more action than Arnie in his acting career," there were ripples of laughter, "but, what astounds me is, Mara has never given up on me, because she is the most incredible women I have ever met in my life.

I paused and beckoned for Mara to join me on stage, gracefully she walked towards the stage and climbed the steps to stand at my side, as I whispered in her ear, "Marry me in a month?" I looked into her eye's as she smiled and whispered right back "yes". With my heart beating wildly in my chest, I went back to addressing our close friends and family,

"So, to make it official we want you all to join us and celebrate our marriage one month from today."
we were met with whistles and cheers by everyone as I took the opportunity to steal a kiss from her beautiful lips.

as we both walked back onto the floor my mom flew to our sides, "Oh, babies that is really wonderful news...now there's so much to organise,"
Mara gave me a look as if to say, tell her, this is our day, we want to organise it!
"Ma, take it easy ok, when we have decided on where we want it, we will let you know ok?" she looked at me hurt. Quickly I responded, putting my hand gently on her shoulder. "Ma, don't take on so, it's our day, and we want you to relax and enjoy it, not be rushing round organising everything, that's what wedding planners are for?"
she nodded her head at us, but I could see she was fighting back the tears, Mara spoke to her, "Ma, what I need help with is finding my wedding dress?, my mom's idea's are so Victorian I'll need another women's interaction to help me, and there's no one I'd rather have helping me than you, will you join me?"
"Oh course Mara, I'd love to, and of course there are the bridesmaid dresses.." I looked at Mara and she looked at me and we both laughed, my ma looked at us with a puzzled expression, "what? what's so funny?"
still laughing, I replied "nothing ma, nothing" Richie came over next,
" so c'mon then ask away?"
"Ask away for what?"
"what you wanna ask me?"
"there's nothing I wanna ask you Rich?"
"Yeah sure there is... c'mon, I aint got all day man."
he stood at the side of us grinning like the cat that got the cream... Mara lent in and whispered, he want's you to ask him to be best man.
The light bulb switched on and thanks to Mara I realised what he was going on about. Thing was I wanted Jessie to be my best man. this was gonna be hard.
Richie still stood waiting,
" Well...."
"Aw man, you want me to ask you to be best man right?"
his face dropped, "What you don't want me?"
"Aww course we want you bud, but..."
"You want someone else more, I get it, it's ok..." he looked sad and dejected. "Rich, look that's not it at all, but I wanted to ask Jessie first?"
He perked up, "man I'm such and idiot, course you do... I'm sorry, I can be a real dumbass sometimes, It's cool, and let Jessie know I'm here to help him if he needs it..." slapping me on the back he walked off to join the rest of the guy's that were hovering around the food waiting for it to be announced the food bar was open. David and Tico had positioned themselves by the plates and it was obvious no one was getting past them first.

Chapter 64 - Every Peice of my heart

I stayed in the hospital for another 4 weeks, eventually my lung inflated and stayed that way, and after what felt like a zillion tests, the Doc gave me my discharge papers, it was official, I was strong enough to return home, leaving the hospital with Mara and my mom, I felt like a cat that had nine lives, honest to god I could not believe how lucky I had been, yeah ok, it had been bad luck so far, but lucky in that I had survived all the trauma, yes sir I was more than happy to head home, with Mara on my arm on the right and my ma on the left, and me in a wheel chair, and each of them pushing with a handle each; we headed down on the elevator to the basement parking lot. 

As the doors opened, the parking lot was dark and dimly lit, and my heart started to race, it took my breath away, Ma and Mara stopped pushing and looked at me, "You ok Baby?" Mara knelt down beside me, with her hand of my knee and love and concern wrote across her beautiful face,  I managed a smile as I answered, "Yeah, just haunted by old ghosts..."  She smiled back at me, and stroking my hand she nodded her head in agreement, six weeks ago this was where it all started with Dot, and it was proving difficult for us to let go and just carry on. The fear was there.

My ma, was now in control of my chair and pushed me forward and headed straight for her car, she had parked to the west and towards an outlet where the sun was shining through, and rested on her car. When we got there I stood, Mara and mom pushed the chair over to the collection bays and we all got inside the car. Yes, we all checked no one was hiding there, mainly for my fear if im honest, but I guess for all of us too. Smiling across to me, my mom started the engine and we took a less than exciting and uneventful journey back home.

As we swung the car down my drive the fear I had returned, this time I held it in check, when my ma pulled the car to a stop, we all got out. looking at the house from the outside, you never would have known the heartache and pain that both Mara and me had been subject too just three months ago, I had no idea what to expect when we entered inside.
With my feet shuffling across the gravel and taking really slow steps, tow arms finally gripped me from either side and escorted me faster to the entrance. Mara placed the key into the lock and turned it and pushed the door open, inside, there were screams and shouting " Surprise" and stood in the middle was Richie and my Kids, moving forward Richie spoke "Welcome home buddy" then Steph cuddled into my chest, and said, "Welcome home daddy.." as the boys came over and said the same. when I looked up there were all my friends and family,

Chapter 63 - The Truth and the wole truth!!!

After my father's outburst, I saw the faces of Jessie and Jake. Jessie was shocked but lil Jake, he stood his eye's filled with water, his voice shaky as he asked, "M-m-m-Mara shot mom?" as his sentence was said the tears started to fall. It mattered not how me or Mara, or my parents felt about Dot, at the end of the day she was their mother, and of course it would hurt them to know Mara shot her, and now; thanks to my assole of a father, I had to tell the truth like it or not.

 I looked at my father who was stood still at the back of the room by the window, a smug look on his weathered face.

Jessie soothed Jake and took him out to the vending machine to buy him some candy, he gave me that look that was filled with disgust and pity! I had to accept that it was in the open and face what wrath my kids bestowed on me, I deserved it. I was racked with guilt, but in this minute, my feelings aside; I seized the opportunity to speak to my pitiful excuse of a father.

" why did you do that?, do you hate your grand kids that much, you want them to be hurt even more?, what kind of sadist are you?, ya know, just when I think you cant get any lower you go and surprise me more. Mara and I wanted to tell the  kids in our own time, what in the fucks name possessed you? and how the fuck did you know anyway?"

"oh let up Jon, you soft soap things way to much for them, your just like your mother. Doing what is ever best for the kids," he used his finger in the air to make imaginary quotation marks, then carried on.
"Why can't you just be honest?, huh?, they needed to know, they asked you three times?, are you a fucking man or mouse."

My temper was rising and I was struggling to hold it back, but the Dr said I had to rest my voice, it took every ounce of strength I possessed not to let rip and punch the muther fucker in the mouth, but I held it together.

"The kids would have known in good time, it was for Mara and me to tell them not you. as for being man or a mouse, I am more of a man than you will ever be, not because I am soft and make things easy for my kids, but because I have compassion and caring in my soul. You don't have a heart, in place of yours is sarcasm and an evil I would not even want or try to understand. You maybe my father by birth, but not by choice." I ended the conversation by adding, "Thanks for calling in, but your visit is over, now leave and don't come back."

"Strong words son, but when you think about it, you know I am right, I have made you what you are..."
"Just shut the fuck up and go, this is over"
"Hear me out, ok?"
my temper erupted, "I said, GET THE FUCK OUT!"
three nurses came into the room after hearing my outburst.

my father reached the door and just raised a salute with his hand as he left, still with a smug look on his face.
I laid back my head on the pillow and my heart beating so fast I thought it would burst from my chest. The nurses tending to me, and making sure I was ok. with a real sore raspy voice I apologised. They smiled at me to let me know they were fine and understood. As the nurses left, Jessie and Jake came back into the room, then Mara.

Jessie looked at Mara, and there was a coldness in his eye's never seen before. "Jessie, Son, I will explain then maybe you will understand, but I want to tell you all together, ok, please don't judge until you have all the facts, that's all I ask."
He turned his look away from Mara and looked at me, and simply nodded his understanding. Jake just sobbed and Jessie held him close while we waited.

Mara figured what was going on, and asked, "how?, your pop?"
I nodded, "Yep, as always."
Mara looked at the kids who stood watching her, even though I asked them not to judge, they were and in a way it was understandable.

When my mom and Steph returned they were smiling and happy as they came into my room, but stopped as they saw the faces of Jessie and Mara, and because of the silence.

"Jon, what's going on?"
"Its dad, he ..." I struggled to say the words, my mom helped me out. "He didn't, well the god damn son of a bitch... so Jessie and Jakey know?"
"they know the basics not the full facts..."
Steph spoke, "Ma-ma what's daddy talking about?, is mom dead?"
I called Steph over, "Baby girl come sit with me please, Jessie and Jake you too."
they walked over, Steph with a puzzled look on her face, and coldness from Jessie and Jake.
"kids, there really is no easy way of telling you what you need to know, but I ask that you listen completely, don't judge until the end, then you can ask questions one by one ok?"
"What are you saying daddy?" Stephs blue eye's held contact with mine, taking her hand I began to explain everything to them. Good as there word they sat in silence listening and taking in the facts as to how Mara shot their mom. When I was finished, Jessie, Jake and Steph all looked at one another, and then to me and lastly Mara, who was by the door head down crying softly. Steph made the first move. she got up from the bed and went over to Mara, as Mara looked at her, Steph pulled her in for a hug, Jessie and Jake followed.

Steph spoke, "Thank you for telling us the truth, Mara, if my mom dies, it was caused through her own fault, not yours, you are dad were held hostage by her, and well, if you had not fired the gun, my dad would be dead, so Thank you for saving his life, and we all still love you," she turned to the boys, "Don't we guy's" Jessie and Jake grabbed Mara tighter and agreed with Steph. my mom came and sat on my bed, and took my hand, she had not heard the facts before I explained and she was tearful for what we had suffered. I asked her, "Mom how did dad know?" "Byron, he called to talk to me, but your pop was visiting collecting some stuff he wanted and he asked him direct why he was acting for you and it must be serious if he's involved, because it was your pop, Byron explained, I'm sorry If I had got to the phone sooner it would never have happened."
Like me, my mom was blaming herself, but the catalogue of events, were as they were and everything has to run its course.

Chapter 62 - Shot Thru The Heart.... And your to Blame.....

Steph had completely stunned me with her question, Mara answered before I could,

"Sweetheart your mom got shot, but the cops called an ambulance and she was taken to hospital, I'm sorry.."

"is she alive then?" Stephs question was more of a statement.

I looked at Mara, who was looking more and more uncomfortable with Steph's direct question. this time I answered.

"Baby girl, I wish we knew more, but we don't, we can find out though ok??"

Steph looked out of the windows, she was silent for a few minutes, when she spoke again, she let her feelings pour out...

"Pop, I don't care if she's alive, you misunderstood, after all the times she mistreated us kids, and the way she has tortured you and Mara, I hope she is dead,"
"you don't mean that?"
"I do dad, really I do..., what kind of mother takes the father of her children hostage and threatens to kill him, and tells the child the next time you will see your dad is in the morgue? "

I did not have an answer to that one,

with tears choking in her throat she continued, " she does not deserve to live..."

I called Steph over, she needed my arms around her, hell; I needed to feel my arms around her.

she walked over and sat on the bed and sobbing she rested her head on my chest, just as Jake had earlier. 
I held her and stroked her head and back, trying to soothe the hurt away that had been poured on her young shoulders.
What had the kids done to deserve any of this.... there was only one answer, nothing..... Mara stood by Jessie looking at us; tears were in her eye's as she could see the hurt and pain Steph had and still was going through.
My ma and pa stood behind, listening and watching, the sandwich I had been eating dropped to the floor as silence filled the room.

Mara broke it by asking, "Steph, would you like me to find out how your mom is?"
Lifting her head from my chest, she looked at Mara and nodded her head. "Tell her, .... tell her...... I-I.I-I love her...." then her head went back to my chest as she continued to weep. Mara nodded her head, and left the room.

Jessie and Jake who had stood watching their sister, pour her heart out, now walked over and sat perched on the end of the bed trying to soothe their sister too.

In many ways it was cruel for Steph to be the eldest and regarded as the head of the kids, yeah I'm old fashioned but it should be a guy thing, and Jessie should have been our first born..... but nature has a way of telling you how its gonna be, and you just deal with what your given... but still it was cruel.... in this instance anyways.

My ma who had stood at the back now moved forward too. she spoke to Steph,

"Steph, hunni, come with Grandma, lets go talk and get a bite to eat, come...."
Steph raised her head, and through watery tearful eye's she spoke,

"but I don't want anything to eat, ma-ma, I just want to stay with dad.."

"You will, we will be right back, that sandwich your pa was eating looked dry, lets go get him something nice and fresh from the dining room, we can talk on the way, ok?"

Steph looked at me, I nodded my head to let her know it was fine. She planted a kiss on my cheek as she left with my ma.
With just the boys and my pop left in the room, silence fell on us once more.
Jessie spoke this time,

"So, after our call pop, what did happen?"

"I told you, your mom got shot and was taken to hospital.."

"Who shot mom?, and how?"

I felt real uneasy again and irked, where was Mara, her diplomatic skills reigned far higher than mine.

I gave a short sharp reply, far more than I intended.
" it does not matter who or how, it happened!." 

I caught Jessie's reaction, I knew I had gone to far, his face registered, shocked and hurt, as he turned his eye's away from me and hung his head, when he spoke again, it was to apologise for asking, making my guilt even worse... I hated not being able to tell them the truth...
Immediately, I apologised to Jessie, it was not his fault and I had to let him no that. they had suffered enough hurt.
"No don't apologise son, it's not your fault, really," for the second time that day I bent the truth, and still avoided the truth being told to my kids.
"It's just my throat is so sore, I can't talk much, I promise I'll explain all when I'm better though ok?"

Jessie nodded his head and forced a smile, just as my pop spoke...  He had been shuffling around at the back while Jessie was talking, tutting and raising his eye's up and down towards the ceiling, but nothing could have prepared me... no us for the next outburst that came from his lips....

"Oh for fuck sake son, tell them the truth, tell them Mara shot the fucking witch..." This time the elephant came to the party and was not going anywhere......

Chapter 61 - Two wrongs don't make a right...

"Oh, Baby, Sssssh relax, everything is fine, I'm here"
"But what happened?"
"Nothing, everything is fine? don't stress,"
"But I am stressed, tell me please what happened?"
my voice was raspy and sore and my throat hurt like hell, but I needed to know what had happened, had I dreamt it? still Mara would not tell,  
"Nothing really, everything is fine?"
"The cops?, Byron?"
"nothing matters, please baby, just relax ok?"
I was frustrated, I needed to know, I banged my fists on the bed and glared at Mara.
"Will you for gods sake tell me?"
"Ok,..Ok, you collapsed in the station and had to be re admitted to hospital, the cop that arrested you, Callaghan, when he put you in the squad car,  he pressed to hard on your weak side, he caused your lung to deflate again. The good news is Byron is suing for wrongful arrest"
"it wasn't a dream then?"
"no"
"so how long have I been out of it?"
"two days,....... But Doc says your gonna be fine with rest"
"why's my voice hoarse?, my throat is killing me?"
" do you remember anything before waking?"
"kinda, but waking here I thought it was a dream,...... I remember talking to By, then coughing.... And then nothing"
" when you were coughing, acid rose from your stomach and burned the larynx, Doc says its nothing to worry about, and it will heal one hundred percent, you just have to rest ok?"
I nodded my head, but I was restless, I asked about Byron,
" is Byron done with me, did he get everything he needed?"
"Baby, I've told you everything is fine, stop talking and rest your voice, I need you fit and well again"
"Mara, please; don't treat me like a child, this is serious, just answer me please?"
she relented, with a big sigh she spoke
"Ok, he said he had more than enough," her brow creased in a  frown as she thought about what he had said, 
"erm, let me think, oh yeah, he said, "its time this circus and clowns, hit the road, we are gonna help them pack and move on"  
By's humour always was out there, but I found a smile playing at the corner of my lips as Mara repeated what he had said.
"I thought he would have been here?"
"he stayed with us until the ambulance arrived,  He left cause he had to take his daughter to Summer camp, but he made me promise to call him when you woke. He seems a real nice guy,  I gotta say I like him Jon"
"he is. I just wish I had called him at the start of all this shit, then this nightmare could have been avoided, what in the hells name was I thinking?"
Mara's hand reached over to mine, she took hold as she spoke, 
"no good looking back on what could of been, we just have to look to move on baby. we will get through this, trust me ok?"
Again a smile played at the corner of my mouth, Mara had a way about her that I loved. She never ever said or looked back on things her attitude was always move on and can do.
I pulled her wrist gently, and she responded by bending down, as we kissed the fire inside me ignited once more, letting me know, she was one hundred per cent the girl for me, I don't normally dwell, but again the question popped into my head, what if.......
Our private moment was then broken and all thoughts I had, about Mara, the past and what I wanted to do with her, and yes, I was feeling, well, you know.... as the Dr walked into my room,
 
"Good Afternoon Jon, nice to see your awake? how are you feeling?"
while he asked me questions, he checked my chart, and carried out basic obs.
Then with his torch pen he checked my throat.
" Mmmm, still looking sore, how's it feeling,"
he gently pressed around my larynx and watched my reactions. I winced as he pressed.

" Mmmm that's to be expected, but no serious damage done, it will heal in a few days,  but I need you to just rest your voice as much as possible until then ok?"
I nodded at the Doc, I looked at Mara, I needed to know how long I was going to be kept in for, she understood me and my look so well and knew what I wanted to ask, 
"Dr, can I ask, how long will Jon have to stay in hospital for?," 
 he looked at us both as he answered
"a few day's at most, I suspect, truth is, he is lucky, after we completed the minor surgery needed to re inflate his lung and put him on oxygen he became stable, if he stays that way, and if his throat and larynx  and lung are fine in a few days time, we will discharge him and let him go home."
he then looked directly at me, " he saw my character I was sure, my mom always used to say my stubborn streak could be spotted at ten paces,
"So if you want home sooner Mr Bongiovi, rest, ok?"
again I nodded.
"I mean it.."
I gave him the thumbs up sign, so he knew I fully understood what he was saying, this time his serious look changed to one with a smile as he left my room.

After the Doc had visited, Mara sat with me, she spoke about things; mundane things just making polite conversation so as to make sure I rested my voice. So, when I woke  I realised I must have dozed off, I looked for Mara, she was not sitting next to me as she had been.
Instinctively I called out, "Mara"
"I'm here,"
I turned my head to look in the direction where her voice came, she had moved across to the window and was sat in the day chair.
"Sorry, when you dozed off, I thought I would do the same. You ok?"
"Yeah, I think so, been better if I'm honest but, I'm ok," Still my voice was raspy and sore and hurt like hell.
Mara began with the polite conversation again,
"Richie rang into the hospital, he left message to say he is thinking of you,"
"That's nice."  for no real reason I was irritated by the comment, or was it Richie's best wishes, either way I did not realise it had come as it did.
"What's with the sarcasm?"
"I wasn't being sarcastic?, was I?"
"Sounded it"
"Sorry"
I turned my head away and looked at the ceiling.
"What's wrong? tell me, has Richie done something wrong? what is it?"
"Nothing, honest, I didn't mean to be sarcastic, it came out wrong."

How could I tell Mara, I had no real reason for feeling irked as I did, I asked myself,  was I  jealous? of Richie?, In a flash I had my answer, yes I was, or was it envy? I was not sure, but I knew why, because he has a near perfect life, no drama, and no fucking ex-wife who is a pyscho bitch, that's why... I knew it was stupid, but I just could not help myself. Rich was my best buddy and I knew how I was feeling was wrong, but just now, well there was nothing I could do, I felt shame too and just could not tell Mara the reason, she would hate me. I had no love for myself at that moment.

"Eh huh, not buying it Giovi, I know you to well now, so give..."
Shock and guilt must have registered on my face, as she got up from her chair and came and stood directly to the side of my bed.
pulling up a hard chair she sat...
"Well I'm waiting"
"Look, its silly really,"
"Ok, well tell, I'll decide"
"Look, can you leave it, please, it really is nothing, it's just me acting all stupid..?"
Mara studied my face, and then spoke "Alright, if that's the way you want it, I'll leave it be.." 
Wanting to change the subject, I asked..
"What time is it?"
Mara looked at her wrist watch, "it's a quarter after seven,"
"umm thought it was late, I'm hungry.."
"They brought the meal tray at five, but as you were sleeping I told them to take it away, do you want me to fetch something for you?"
"Yes please, anything," my stomach was growling, I joked
" even cardboard will do, anything to take the edge off.." I smiled at Mara,
"Well, hold that thought, there's only a vending machine out there, so it could be cardboard"
she laughed as she left the room.
I lay in my bed thinking about Richie and trying to figure my head and the stupid feelings that kept washing over me, when noise of bodies burst threw the door.
Looking over I saw my mom, pop and my kids. My heart flipped as I saw my babies, I was so happy to see them, I could not stop the tears falling.
"Hey guy's,"
"Dad, Jacob jumped on the bed, and was immediately told off by everyone, he climbed down and stood sulking and had tears in his eyes,
"I just wanted to hug my d-d-dad, as his bottom lip started to tremble, I pulled him close to me, "It's ok lil man, don't worry no damage done." his arms went around my neck and he rested his head gently on my chest, as he climbed back on board.
"So, what are you all doing here?" immediately Steph answered,
"oh, we were visiting the lady in the next room and we heard Jon Bon Jovi was in this room so thought we'd drop by and say hi,"
Steph definitely inherited her sarcasm from me,
"Alright, smart ass..... you know what I mean." she smiled at me, then with a serious note she continued
" we wanted to see you were ok pop, Grandma, knew how worried we were, remember the last we heard was mom on the phone, and she said the next time we would see you and Mara would be in the morgue, we have been scared to death, uncle Richie was the one that told us you were ok, why didn't you tell us?"
I didn't like lying to my kids, but sometimes bending the truth had to be done. how could I tell them Mara had shot their mother?
"Baby girl, I would have rung, but my lung deflated and I was brought back into hospital, I'm sorry to have scared you that bad, can you forgive me?"
Jesse and Steph looked at me, then each other, with big smiles on their faces they all answered together including Jake with his head down on my chest, "Of course we do, we love you..." that touched my heart, and although Dorothea was a monster, somehow we had done something right and had produced three beautiful kids together. When Mara walked back into the room, the surprise on her face was one of shock. My eyes fixed on the pack of sandwiches she was holding.

"you guy's"  in seconds Jake was off me and stood with the family as arms from every direction enveloped her, she was laughing and hugged everyone  back, "You all ok?"
the kids answered
"Were fine, we were worried about you and dad, but he has explained so its all good now. "  Mara looked at me a look of horror on her face, I gently shook my head to let her know I had not mentioned Dot being shot, she looked relieved as she broke free from the arms and moved over to give me my sandwiches.
"Sorry baby that's all they had" I read the packet "Pastrami on rye"   "just cardboard then?" I joked my least favourite food, but I opened the pack and took a bite, just as Steph asked?
"so what happened to mom?"