Its Friday

Chapter 14

It was Friday again. Mara would be here any minute. I was doing really well and dropping weight at a pretty speedy pace. I could see muscles forming in my shoulders and biceps; and it felt really good. I could see the Jon Bon Jovi of the past coming back to life.

I hadn't taken things any further with Mara yet, apart from a kiss and out talks; our relationship had not really moved beyond client/trainer bond.

It was maddening, but I really wanted to do this right, I wanted to ask Mara out on a date.
Truth is I did not know how.
Of course my dumb ass questioning began; well changing the thinking of seven years does not just go in a few weeks, inevitably the questions came, Could I be loyal? I mean I really screwed up my marriage, and that's the century's understatement. If I couldn't trust myself, then how could I earn Mara's trust in me?.
Because of my self doubt I was essentially deciding not to ask Mara out. It left me feeling sorrowful. The trainer client relationship was the best I could give I guess.

When the doorbell rang, I expected it to be Mara. It was'nt. Standing at the door was my 6ft father, he was an older version of me and if I wanted to know how I would look getting older all I had to do was look at my dad. He had white hair speckled through his fading blonde hair, it was thick and my father was a striking man. Blue eye's, chizzled jaw, fit physique, oh yeah my dad could still attract the ladies; despite his attraction, he had never strayed from my Mom. Why couldn't  I take after him in that department too?.
Standing beside him was my best friend Richie Sambora, who had a smile that spread from ear to ear. I could not be sure if it was a genuine smile, you know like he was happy to see me again, or to talk about getting back together and brought my dad along for support.

As they stepped over the doorway I could see Mara walking towards the door, she hesitated when she saw my visitors. "Mara, it's ok, come on" As Mara got closer and entered I whispered, "Please stay by my side the whole time they are here" She crinkled her eye's at me like I was crazy, but shrugged and said "Alright"

Moving through the house, we headed for the living room, reaching the room we all stood, no-one sat down. "I spoke first; "Dad, Richie this is Mara my...." I couldn't call her my trainer. Even though she was, my feelings were much deeper than that, and I couldn't bring myself to minimize what she was to me either.
Mara held out her hand to both of them, breaking my lame introduction.
"It's nice to meet you." Although she had looked at them both in the eyes when she was shaking their hands, she did seem shy in their presence.
It was obvious she knew who they were.
I suddenly felt a pang in the pit of my stomach, because I wasn't thinking; being around celebrities was something I was immune to; all given that my Dad wasn't a celebrity, but he was famous now for being my father; but Richie was a celebrity through me and being in Bon Jovi.

In an attempt to make Mara feel more comfortable, I moved closer to Mara and took her hand in mine. Truthfully, I don't know If I did that to make her feel more at ease or me.
In any event I was holding her hand in front or Richie and my Dad. She didn't pull away either, she actually squeezed her hand tighter round mine.
It was hard to concentrate on my guests when all I could focus on was the galvanising surge running through my body because I was hand in hand touching Mara.

"So Son", my dad always called me that and it never failed to put fear into me hearing him say it, memories of my childhood being chastised for something bad, 
"I think it's time we talk about getting you back to work."
I closed my eye's in a vain attempt to make him disappear.
"Yeah, dad, well I'm not sure that I am ready for that yet."
"Oh bullshit, Jon. You have taken long enough to wallow in your own self pity, it's not fair to Richie and the gang to keep them from the spotlight. This isn't just your career were dealing with now."
Dad could always be trusted to hold no punches back. I plopped myself on the couch, taking Mara with me. I was still holding her hand, so she had no choice.
"I know this hideous accident has you knocked out, but your Mom has been coddling you for way to friggin long, Get over it Jon, time to get back to what you were born to do."

I looked at Richie with pleading eyes. He still had that silly grin on his face.
I shook my head; I felt betrayed.
"Did you put him up to this Richie?"
Sitting down just behind him, "No bud, your Dad put me up to it man; but were getting nowhere with you. Its been seven years Jon, you can't really tell me you don't miss it? the music?"
Of course I did.
"of course I do." I turned to look at Mara. I was feeling vulnerable and I needed reassurance. She was looking at me with her sweet smile. She squeezed my hand, as if to say I'm here. This gave me strength; I wasn't surprised.
Richie continued, "C'mon man we need you. Were ready to get out there again, and we would rather do it with you than without you." 
This took me by surprise, "What?" "Yep, we will do it without you if ya don't wanna come back as our front man Jon, I will lead the guys."
"But it's my band Richie, Its my gig, I brought you into it, don't forget that."
I was getting seriously angry. I knew I wasn't ready to get back out there yet, but I sincerely hoped that Richie would not stab me in my back and replace me as lead singer.
My father stepped in as usual. He'd been pacing the living room the whole time. Bon Jovi is not just your name Jon, I gave it to you."
"What?, What are you saying?" but I knew exactly what he was saying. "You are an assole dad, a complete fuckin assole." I enuncuated each and every word. I felt Mara's hand tighten around mine. I'm sure she felt me trembling. I could'nt keep from shaking.
My father was prepared to sell his name to Richie so he could take my place as lead singer in my band. I leaned my head back against the couch. Mara's hand reached across her body to rub my arm. I closed my eyes to let this calm me.
My breathing steadied as I matched the pace which Mara moved her hand up and down my arm.
"Look Jon," my dad was going to finish me off, I was sure of that.
"I don't want to sell my name, Your right you are Bon Jovi. You are the ones the guys want as their front man, shit you are the ones the fans want to see on stage. But you gotta understand the guys too. Music is in their blood, music is in your blood too. This is what you were born to do Jon, wake up and get a grip. Look at springsteen,Guns n Roses, The eagles, they are all still on top, still struttin their stuff, producing some of thier best stuff in years. What happened to you sucks Son, but that should not stop you from living, it should not be the end of your career."
I could'nt respond to that. Not right away. So richie did.
"Jon, I know this is hard for you. I wanted to be there for you too. You would'nt let me, maybe if you had you could be over this already."
I sat up straight, "I could never be over this Richie, I lost far more than my wife and career that day" I stopped myself suddenly realising what I had said.
I felt Mara's hand loosen a little and I did'nt like that. It did'nt make sense. she was letting me know that she was there for me by the touch of her hand why would she loosen it now? what was she trying to say?.
"What do you mean? lost more than your wife that day Jon?"
"Nothing Richie, forget it"
"Look man, all I meant was not that you would forget Dorothea or get over that, but by letting me help you, maybe you could have moved forward sooner with your life."
Suddenly I knew why Mara had loosened her grip, maybe it was when I spoke about more than a loss of my wife, maybe Mara thought she could not get me over my loss of my unborn son? I had to end this now. I brought the discussion to an end,
" Dad, Richie, let me think about this. I can't just change my course without thinking about it. I will let you know"
All I wanted to do was to be with Mara. I had to get them outta my house, I really needed to talk to Mara. I needed her to see, I was moving forward now because of her, and only her.