Moving On!

Chapter 15

Richie jumped up and gave me a big hug. "At least you did not say no straight out man, I can live with that. but Jon", Richie took a moment, I guess afraid of making me angry again.
"Don't take too long making your decision. We are itching to play."
then patting my back we shook hands and he walked out the door.

Dad, on the other hand had decided to make himself comfortable in my home. He had helped himself to one of my beers, and was searching through my cupboards for peanuts. Sticking his head around the door of the kitchen,
"Jon where are the peanuts? I can't find any?"
"I don't have any."
"OK" dad called again, "So what about the cookies?"
I heard the kitchen cabinets opening and closing, even the refrigerator. finally his frustration showed. "Where the fuck is all the goddamn food?"
"I've been cutting back so there isn't much." I waited for his reaction. Silence. Then I heard footsteps slowly making their way around the bend from the kitchen.

He stood there with his hand on his chin, as if he were the thinker statue.
"I thought you looked different when I first saw you. You have dropped an awful lot of weight, you look great son, really great. So what's gotten into you?"
"Mara has got into me, she has given me a new zest for life again. I've, we have been working out." I turned to look at Mara who was now leaning against the arm of the couch.
"Mara has been training me."
Dad's eyes nearly flew out of his head as he gulped on his beer.
"you are being trained by a girl?"
I still had my eye's on Mara, who was now rolling her eyes. I turned back to my dad.
"Dad, what the fuck, stop being an assole."
He was laughing, a deep gut laugh, one that I had heard many times when he wanted to ridicule me and my brothers when we were kids.
"I find it really funny that my son needs to be trained by a girl."
"Shut the fuck up Dad. You haven't been round to see me in months, and when you do, true to you, putting me down is your  main objective. nothing changes with you does it?"

Dad just continued laughing. He slunk into the recliner and continued drinking his beer. I wanted him to leave.
"Hey don't you have somewhere to be?"
He raised his eyes towards me, but not his head. Instead he chose to look at Mara.
"So what's the deal sweetie?. I know you are my sons personal trainer, are you his girlfriend too?"
Mara remained cool and in control and replied to my dad's question.
" No Mr Bongiovi, but I am his friend." Mara turned and looked at me and smiled to let  me know it was alright. I felt a warm feeling building inside.
Dad continued "Yeah and I'm the pope."
Dad got out of the recliner and came towards me with an out stretched hand.
"Look, Jon, I'm sorry I can be so much of an ass sometimes I amaze myself. You know how I am. What doesn't change is that I love you boy, and I am happy you are doing better. You look really good. I am so happy that you shaved that god awful nest off your handsome face. You are a good looking striking man Jon, just like me and your Mom. I swallowed hard, "Thanks.... I think. I'll.... ummmm let you know about the gig and my decision as soon as I can."
"Right," then John Bongiovi snr was out of my door.

Mara was sitting on the arm, of the chair. I meandered over to her and took one of her hands in mine. She looked me straight in the eyes.
"Are you OK?, he got flustered didn't he?"
I turned up one side of my mouth in an attempt at a smile.
"now that's an understatement. I am really sorry you had to see and be a part of all that. I'm sorry for my cursing too. I will try harder to refrain from using words like that around you, but he gets my blood boiling sometimes."
Mara took both my hands this time. "Don't worry about the cursing; I'm concerned with the way your Dad was talking to you."
"Aw don't be. He has always been like that. I'm used to it. He used to try to treat my Mom like that, but she showed him and he back down with her, unfortunately with us boys he won't change. I promised myself and vowed that I would never treat anyone like that."
looking down at the floor, "I guess though; my ways are no better than his. I was a cheater."
Mara let go of one of my hands and led me to the couch, with her other hand holding my mine.
We both sat at the same time.
"Jon, you have just said it, you did cheat, you are now moving forward and I know you can change your old ways; hell you have promised me, remember?, as for your dad, he is a bully and Jon you are nothing like him."
Looking at Mara, I realised that she saw things clearly and not clouded like I did. I had never analysed my dad's behaviour before, he had always been dad. He was the way he was. Looking back over my childhood I can't say it was happy. my brothers and I were chastised for many minor things. a belt, a hand, harsh words. I had to swallow hard. stroking Mara's hand while looking at her I said; "Thank you Mara, Thank you for coming into my life and for showing belief in me. I have promised you I won't cheat and Mara that is not going to be hard to keep. I-.I-I-I think I am...... in love with you." I waited for Mara's reaction. When it came it was not what I expected. She leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "C'mon lets start our workout we can talk after.
Whoa, I had just opened up to Mara and nothing, lets work out! I was getting confused again, did I read the signals wrong? As much as my father and Richie had agitated me, my conversation with Mara had  me now really unsettled. Moving forward with our relationship was what I wanted, no we wanted wasn't it? I thought by being honest moving to the next level would have taken us there. It took courage for me to be that honest. so here we go I fucked up again.

Following Mara to the gym room, I caught her hand and turned her to face me. " What have I done wrong Mara? you want me to be honest, well I have and you rebuff me? what is that about? don't you want me? am I too much of a risk? please tell me..."
"Mara looked at me, her eyes a soft pool of liquid chocolate, "Jon, you have done nothing wrong, you just surprised me with your honesty, I needed a few moments to think about what you have said, I panicked and reacted badly," Mara paused between each sentence.
"I'm sorry. .......truthfully Jon, I feel the same; ................ and its; well, shocked me. I suppose after losing Brad in the 9-11 tragedy I subconsciously shut down my heart..... but you have broken it open and crept in...... please forgive me for my stupid reaction Jon, and please trust me when I say; I love you, I truly really do."
Tears flowed down Mara's cheeks as she spoke her last sentence. I cupped her beautiful face in my hands and lent forward and kissed her gently. Mara wrapped her arms around my neck and moved her body in close pressing against mine. blood pumped through my veins, with every beat of my heart my groin became more aroused. I wanted Mara badly, I wanted to feel myself deep inside her. breaking our kiss I picked Mara up and carried her to my sleeping quarters.
Laying her down on the bed, I climbed on top holding my weight on my arms.
"Mara, you are so beautiful; I want to make love to you; I want to share my body with you;.... but if you are not ready then please just  tell me." I waited as Mara looked at me.
"Jon, I'm ready, I have dreamt about this moment for so long. I have wanted you forever. I did not want to make the first move Jon in case you were still hurting from your loss I....." I gently placed a finger to Mara's lips, "Ssssshhhhhhh, enough talking.