Chapter 46 - The Fighter

As I sat with my head in my hands, tormented by Dorothea's accusations, we were interrupted by a knock on the office door.
"Yeah come"
the door opened and Mara stuck her head round the corner,
"Richie's here....." She looked across at me and immediately saw how distressed I was.
" Oh My god, Jon; what's wrong?"
concern was etched on her face, as she stepped inside the office and closed the door, behind her.
"What's going on, why are you so pale?.... why have you been crying?..."
She looked at me and then the Detective.
I answered.... "Dorothea has accused me of rape, I didn't do it though I swear"
"What? how? when?"
"The night I stayed over to see the kids,  but ..... I paused, I needed Mara to know what Dot had done to me. I wished to god she never had to find out; but I couldnt lie. If she found out from somone else, well it would kill her. I continued, "

 there's more too it than just that"
Mara perched on the chair by the door, she still eyed the Detective, then focused her attention to me.
"I'm listening.."
every time she looked at the Detective her eye's had a steely cold look of determination, I had puposely not told Mara about what Dorethea had done to me, as I wanted in many ways to block it out, I could then pretend it never happened, pretend it was just a dream; i mean how lame does it sound that I was man raped? Plus with the arson attacks it would have been wrong to share that information too, honestly; Until it happened to me I never thought that it was possible or real.... but it was; and now I was having to share this intimate detail with Mara; something I was being forced to do, something I was really uncomfortable with. More thoughts flew round my mind; i was torn mentally and physically,  I mean; would she believe me, or would she think I had cheated on her with my ex wife. After all I had cheated in the past, why would she believe what I was about to tell her...... Still I had no choice, the elephant was in the room and not going any where; with Dot's accusations now laid bare, it was time. swallowing really hard, and holding onto the desk until my knuckles went white,  and taking a deep breath I began.... 

"Thing is, the night I stayed over, I had not slept for over seventy two hours as I had been by your side in hospital, we had all eaten dinner together and then gone into the mini theatre to watch a movie, I crashed before the movie started and Jake and Dot carried me to bed, or so I was told.... then Jake went downstairs to join the others to watch the movie and left Dot with me, she undressed me to my shorts."
"She stripped you near naked?"
"I guess, I don't know babe, I was out cold, my body was exhausted.." sweat started to bead on my brow, my throat was dry, and my heart was beating so hard it felt like it would burst out of my chest; but I forced myself to continue.
" well, the off shot is because she was missing for ages, Jessie went looking for her,  he called out but she never answered, so he climbed the stairs and headed to the guest room where I was, just as he was about to enter; through the crack in the door he saw Dot with her hands in my shorts.........I had no idea, and Jessie told me the following morning.... he was traumatised" the whole time I was explaining I looked at the floor, ashamed at what I was having to explain to my fiancée. after I had finished  I just stood with head down, racked with guilt and shame....