Chapter 25
My Mom and Ruth both agreed, and Mara too that I should go see the kids and get some rest. I had to admit I was bushed and sleep was fast becoming my new best friend. I agreed that I would call and see the kids, but not collect them. given my lack of sleep for 48 hours I could not trust myself to be a safe driver. It was gonna take ounce of strength to keep my eye's open to drive back home.
Kissing Mara, my temporary good bye, with a promise to return the next day, I dragged my ass out of the hospital and over to my car in the parking lot.
I checked my refection in the mirror and was met with a stranger looking back at me. my eye's had sunk and were blood shot, my skin pale. The stress and lack of sleep had certainly taken their toll on my exhausted body. rubbing my face and eye's to try and bring some life back to my face, with no joy, I slipped my cell into the hands free cradle and dialled Dots number. The phone rang once, before Dot answered....
"Jon, how's things?"
"good, Dot, everything is looking good, listen I'm just about to leave, but Dot, I am exhausted, I can't trust myself to drive with the kids in the car, so I was thinking and hoping you'd agree, how about I call to yours and spend the evening with you and the kids and grab some take out for us all, then I can drive home after, would that be ok?"
" yeah, that's fine Jon, I was worried when you said you would collect them, especially as you aint slept for two days,...." The phone fell silent for a second, then Dot spoke again... "tell ya what Jon, I've got an even better idea, why don't you stop over in the guest room?, that way after you have eaten you can just drag your body up to bed, then tomorrow you could spend some time with the kids before heading back off to see Mara? how's that sound?"
" Great I'll buy that, So what kinda take out do you and the kids want?" Dot shouted out to the kids and I could hear their voices all shouting different things. dot came back on the phone and said, get Pizza Jon, Hawaiian, margarita, pepperoni, you know the stuff, bring some cheese melts too and coke ok?"
"Ok, got it! see ya in an hour."
hanging up from the call, I started the engine and the long drive back. opening windows and blasting the air con to keep me from falling asleep at the wheel.
Mile after mile rolled by, a couple of times I had to shake my head when my eye's started to close, thank fully somehow I made it to Dot's, collecting the take out as the guys wanted.
Fifteen minutes from the Pizza parlour I pulled up on Dot's drive.
Before the engine had died, the front door flew open and the kids rushed out to greet me.
My car door was open and in seconds I was surrounded by my babies, I don't know if it was the relief of the last two days whole events, or just seeing the kids, but I was really choked and thanked god for everything and everyone in my life, for giving me a second chance to make things right..
Getting out of the car, I stood next to my eldest son, Jesse; he had grown so much since I last saw him, he stood shoulder to shoulder with me, and Stephanie was growing into a beautiful young women, Jake, was a little tyke, with the energy of a tiger. I hugged them all together then each in turn. I felt the luckiest man in the world.
Grabbing the Pizza's and the drinks from the passenger seat we headed inside and ate in the breakfast nook in the kitchen.
Sitting around the table, it was so good listening to the kids and the chatter, it reminded me of the good times that Dot and I had shared together, and as a family.
After dinner, the kids wanted to watch a movie so we headed over to the theatre room, nothing had changed, everything was as I remembered, Dot started the movie as we all sat, Jake on my knee, Stephanie sat to my right and Jesse to my left, with Dot sat next to him. What happened in the movie or what the movie was about I could not tell ya. I'm guessing I crashed out, as when I woke I was in the guest room, in bed and wearing just my shorts, with my clothes folded neatly on the chair by the dresser.
Waking from my sleep, my first call of the day, was to my Mom to check on Mara.
"Hey Mom, how's Mara?"
"Morning, Jon, Mara is sleeping right now, the Dr's gave her some tramadol pain relief last night. They must have done the job, as she has not moved all night."
"How's Ruth? is she holding out ok?"
"Ruth is fine, The Dr's have given us a private room so each of us can sleep and take turns being with Mara. So how are the kids, did you sleep well?"
"Yeah, they are great, we had a nice night, what I can remember of it."
"You didn't get drunk did you?"
"No Mom, I crashed out that's all, I'm getting up now and I'm gonna spend an hour or so with the kids before coming back to the hospital, can you tell Mara if she wakes that I will see her later?"
"Sure hon, how are my Granbabies?"
"They are all fine, all growing up, Jesse is nearly as tall as I am, but then that aint difficult is it, I aint exactly stocking in the height department am I?."
my mom laughed at my comment, "No son, it's your pop's fault, so how are Stephanie and Jacob?"
"Steph is a beautiful ma, and Jake, well he's a live wire, full of energy, and so cute."
"Tell them Grannie Bongiovi say's hi, and that I love them all and I will see them all really soon, and that I miss them, will ya?"
"Yeah, sure ma, no worries, right look, I'm gonna go now and, but I will ring ya later as I leave, love ya mom."
"Love ya too son.bye."
returning my phone to the night stand, I finally swung my legs outta bed, stretching as I stood, opening the drapes, the sun was shone through the window, walking to the chair and pulling on my pants and t-shirt, and running my fingers through my hair, I left the bedroom and headed down stairs.
Happy voices could be heard as I walked through the hallway to the breakfast nook.
"morning dad, did you sleep well?"
"Morning sweetheart, yeah, thanks I slept really well, you?"
"Yeah, I always sleep well except Jesse thought it was cool to play his music until late, can you tell him"
"Sure, I'll talk to him, so, what happened last night? I remember sitting with you all and then this morning I wake up in bed? so, who carried me to bed?"
"Jesse, and Mom, the film had just started and within minutes you were out cold. So we thought we'd take you to bed and let you rest. Jake helped to, not carrying you, but turning down the bed, opening doors and stuff. so,.... Dad, can I ask you something? Its personal and you don't have to answer if you don't want. but I'm curious I need to know.... "
"Sure, sweetheart, what is it?"
"Who is Mara?"
"Mara is a very close friend of mine."
"how close?, Mom say's she is your girlfriend, is that true?"
"yes steph she is."
"Oh."
"Whats wrong steph?"
"Nothin"
"C'mon, tell me, there is something, or you wouldn't be asking me questions. C'mon, talk to me steph."
"Well, when you and Mom broke up, it was in the papers about you and this women,... and well, we need to know, will we be reading stuff like that again? reading those stories dad, ... well it killed me, .... and Jesse It broke our hearts, and you really hurt Mom too."
"No, sweetheart, it will be nothing like that, your Mom and me are all sorted,we are friends again, I know what happened was wrong and painful, but that is all in the past, we are moving on, all of us as a family. sweetheart please believe me, when I say, I am really sorry for all the pain I caused last time, I know I can't change the past, but I can change our future. I want to be part of your lives Steph. I want to be the Dad you want me to be. Will you forgive me? let us try again? " I waited holding my breath waiting for an answer.
"Ok, dad." moving across the kitchen Steph put her arms around me and hugged me with her head resting on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close, kissing her head.
"So Mara, what is she like?, I mean does she know about all of us?"
"Mara is a wonderful person sweetheart, and yes she knows all about you, Jesse and Jake, she is dying to meet you all, would you like to meet Mara?"
there was a silence, before Steph answered.
"I guess so, but I need to know Mom will be ok with it first dad?"
"That's fine there's no rush,
"So what happened to her, Mom said she got burnt in a fire?"
"Yes, she did. her own home."
"were you there dad?"
"Kind of, yes."
"How did it start."
"I don't know sweetheart, the fire department are investigating."
"How bad is Mara then?"
"Quite ill, but she will get better."
"dad,....."
"Yes gorgeous"
"Eww dad, please, enough of the mush, I was thinking, when Mara gets out of hospital, can we meet her then?, you know like have a day together?"
"I'm sure that can be arranged, and I know Mara would love that. we need to clear it with the guy's first though ok?"
"Ok."
Steph uncurled herself from me and walked out of the kitchen and out to the back yard, I watched her out of the kitchen window, as she headed straight to the car block to talk to Jesse.
As I stood watching the kids Dot entered the kitchen.
"hey Jon, how do you feel this morning?"
"Tired, but functional, you?"
"Same,.... I tossed and turned all night."
"Why?"
"Just thinking things through I guess, having you back in the house, kinda made me realise how much I miss having you around"
"Dot, that was your decision remember?"
"Yeah, caused by your antics."
"Dot, lets not do this, I thought we had agreed to let things go and stay in the past."
"Yeah, I know Jon, but last night, you being here, I miss you Jon, more than I realised I guess... and ......well it was hard. .... anyway, let's move on eh," wiping a tear away from her cheek she continued..." your right, we have agreed to move on so forget it, I'm just being stupid........ so breakfast?"
"mmm yeah, what ya offering?"
"Scrambled eggs, juice and coffee?, how's that sound"
"perfect, listen, while your fixing breakfast, do ya mind if I go and grab a quick shower? I really need to freshen up, have ya got a spare toothbrush I can use too?"
"Yeah, in the bathroom cabinet, there should be some new brushes there, and Jon, talk to Jesse I'm sure you could borrow one of his t's, too, leave yours here and I'll
rinse it through. with your sweater top"
"Ok, thanks Dot. really, thanks for everything.."
leaving the kitchen I headed up the stairs to the bathroom, grabbing a new toothbrush I freshened my mouth. then slipping outta my clothes, I stepped into the warm shower, scrubbing the stale scent of the hospital off my body, allowing the soap and hot water to flow over me and wash me clean.
Finishing my shower I felt revived and refreshed, grabbing a towel round my waist I left the bathroom and walked down the corridor to Jesse room, knocking on the door I waited
" yeah"
I opened the door and walked in, he had returned from the yard and was laying on his bed.
"Hey, Son, can you lend your ol man a top?"
"Sure, in the closet over there, help yourself pop."
opening his closet, I pulled out a plain black t-shirt, closing the door to the closet I turned to look at Jesse. I had to know his feeling's about the past and now about Mara.
Knowing that Steph had spoken with him I asked.
"Jesse, is everything ok?,"
"Yeah, why dad?"
"well, I saw you talking to steph earlier, did she mention about Mara?"
"Yeah, she said she's your new girlfriend, right?"
"um, yeah that's right, I want you guy's to meet her, but I don't wanna push ya buddy, but I do wanna know how you feel?"
"Its cool dad, don't stress ok, Steph, she is the over reactor, just like Mom, I'll meet Mara whenever you want, and Dad, I'll square it with mom for you too ok? it'll all be cool"
"Thanks Son, So friends?"
"Yeah dad, Friends."
Leaving Jesse room and walking back along the corridor to the guest room, Dot shouted up that breakfast was ready.
I dried off and dressed real quick and headed down stairs to eat.
Sitting at the counter, Dot sat opposite.
"So, how is it?"
"Great, Thanks."
"so what time ya thinking of leaving?"
" I was kinda thinking in about an hour or so, I was gonna get the kids and drive off into town and do some shopping with them, and stuff, just spend some time with um, before I have to leave to go to the hospital."
"Can I ask ya something Jon?"
"Shoot,"
"Mara, is it really serious between the two of you?, from what you have said you aint known her that long?"
"Yeah, its serious, and it aint been long, but I am sure Dot, if ya worried about me hurting the kids, I won't do that again, and I would not want my kids to meet Mara if she was nothing special."
"oh,"
"What? why the face Dot, what now?"
"Nothing."
"No c'mon, out with it."
"Well, I just thought after I opened up to you this morning, you kinda felt the same way about me, and... well..... ya know... you might want us to, .... ermmmm kinda try again?.... for us ... and the kids?"
"Dot, I...... don't know what to say?, I thought you were over me, all the hurt I caused you?"
"I know, it doesn't make sense, but like I said, having you here last night, while we all ate together, how happy the kids were, and how you made me feel. I'd forgotten that, and after putting you to bed, and undressing you, well.... I wanted to climb into your bed and be with you again, I wanted to be part of you."
I listened to Dot, stunned at her admission, part of me thought she was just testing me to see if I would bite so she could hold it against me. part of me was flattered. The one thing that was clear in my mind was, as much as loved Dot for giving me three gorgeous children, the difference was I was in love with Mara. As much as it hurt, I had to be honest with Dot.
"Dot, I,I,I,... oh boy.... Dottie, listen, you are a great Mom, and we have made three beautiful kids together. I'm really flattered you still want me, but what we had was in the past, I can't risk going back there. I don't ever want to put you in the position of coming home and finding me with someone else. Dot, what I am trying to say, badly is, I love you and always will, but I am not in love with you. I'm sorry!"
watching Dot, her eye's filled with tears that spilled onto her cheeks, the whole time I was talking she watched me intently. Taking her hand in mine, I lifted it to my lips and gently kissed the back of her hand as I rose and left the kitchen.
Walking up the stairs to collect my things I could hear Dot sobbing.... how the fuck did I let that happen...
Tuesday 28 May 2013
Have a Nice Day!
Chapter 24
Back at the hospital, I sat with Mara, my mom and Ruth, each of us taking turns sitting with Mara waiting for her to open her eyes. to show some sign of life or improvement. Nothing,
The Dr said her body not waking yet was a good sign as it was healing itself, and we had to patient. So we waited.
My body ached and I was exhausted both mentally and physically. I needed to sleep, but I needed to be with Mara too.
Checking the time on my watch and pacing, coffee in hand, I was aware of my Mom calling my name,
"Jon, Jon, come quick, Mara, she's awake".
dumping my coffee in the trash I flew round to ICU, straight into Mara's room. The Dr's and nurses all hovering around her bed checking her vitals. Watching the staff work, I looked at Mara, her eye's were glazed and she was dazed and confused. I called out to her,
"Mara, it's ok babe, were all here"
"Jon? Where am I?" Mara was afraid and I so wanted to hold her and reassure her, but the Dr's were blocking the way working with Mara..
"your in hospital sweetheart, just relax everything will be fine."
After what seemed like forever the Dr's satisfied that she was safe left the room, my Mom left with the Dr's and spoke with them about her future Daughter-in laws condition., yes; I had decided if Mara and I got through this I wanted her for my wife.
You know, my dad told me that when you take a sip of wine, it takes only one sip to tell if its a good bottle. Well guys, this was an excellent bottle, and I intended on drinking the bottle. Ok, not a romantic comparison, but a darn good one nonetheless right?
Moving to Mara's bedside, I held her un-burnt hand and bent over and gently kissed her on the lips, her brown eye's sort mine as she asked,
"What happened Jon?, I don't remember"
"There was a fire babe, you passed out, from smoke inhalation"
"Fire?" Where?"
"Your house, Babe"
"My house", tears welled in her eye's.
"How? Why?"
"we don't know yet; the Fire Chief is investigating."
"Is my house..... totally gone?"
"I think so babe, it was pretty bad."
"No...oh god...my memories, photographs, they will all be gone." turning her head away from me as she let a tear roll down her face.
"Mara, I'm sorry, I really am, I know what you mean, there are something's that are irreplaceable; but you being alive babe is far more important than a few photos, right? life is irreplaceable, and well, I'd choose you over any pictures any day."
Mara turned to face me and tried to smile, and with watery eye's she said " your right, I am alive and well I still have my memories,.... I think...."
I just smiled at Mara, her beauty even through her burns, filled my heart with so much love. Mara spoke breaking into my thoughts...
"What day is it Jon?"
"Friday,"
" Are you not having the kids Jon? it was today wasn't it?
I'd forgot, with everything that had happened, fuck... the realisation suddenly hitting me like a steam train.....I had to ring Dot and explain.
"babe hang on, ok I have to ring Dot, I will be right back".
"Sure, go Jon, I'll wait right here for you." she smiled at me as I left her room and the hospital and headed outside to make the call, Dot's words "no letting the kids down Jon" ringing in my head, jeez first time I could have them in months and I failed.... ringing her number, and thinking as I waited for her to answer.
"Hello,
"Dot, it's Jon..."
"Tell me your on your way Jon, the kids are excited and waiting......"
"Dot, there has been an accident?"
"What? are you ok?"
"No, its not me Dot, its Mara, there was a fire at her house, I am in North Arlington Hospital in ICU, I have been here for the last 48 hours.... "
"Oh, god, no, that's awful, is she ok?"
" She suffered from smoke inhalation, and has been in a coma for 48 hours, she finally came round about 40 minutes ago. she has some some serious burns that will need surgery too, but we are hoping all will be good. "
"I'm pleased she has come round and sorry about the burns, and well I don't mean to be cruel Jon but what do you want me to tell the kids?"
"Look Dot, It's mad right now, ok, I'm fifty minutes away from you; maybe more and I aint slept for 48 hours, but, I promised you I would not let the kids down and I won't, so listen, let me go talk to my mom and check on Mara, if she is ok, I will leave and head out to you and collect the kids ok?"
"Sure, ok, just ring me as you leave, and Jon, please be careful..."
"I will, see ya shortly".
The call to Dot went better than I thought, but my body was screaming at me for sleep, and I promised myself tonight I would sleep, as long as Mara was ok.
Walking back into ICU and Mara's room I saw Dr Bannister Mara's Burns specialist. Calling his name, he came towards me.
"Morning Mr Bongiovi,"
"Morning Dr, so what can you tell me now Mara is awake, what are we facing."
I needed to be prepared for the worst, although Mara seemed fine, I wanted the Dr to tell me for sure.
"As I have said to your mom; It looks good, Mara's seems alert and responsive and her vitals are stable and good. Mara responded well to the questions we asked. We want to keep her in for a few more days, keeping a check on her burns, and to make sure there are no relapses, but generally, it looks as though Mara's will make a full recovery with no memory loss or brain damage. Her burns will need surgery and as soon as they heal well enough we will arrange that. She is a very lucky girl"
relief flooded through my body, she was going to be ok. emotion filling into my voice as I said;
"Thanks Dr, you don't know what hearing that means to me, if there is anything I can do for you, please just ask, anything.."
"I will think on that Mr Bongiovi, smiling her shook my hand and told me to go get some rest, then turned away and walked off to talk with the nurse standing at the desk station.
Back at the hospital, I sat with Mara, my mom and Ruth, each of us taking turns sitting with Mara waiting for her to open her eyes. to show some sign of life or improvement. Nothing,
The Dr said her body not waking yet was a good sign as it was healing itself, and we had to patient. So we waited.
My body ached and I was exhausted both mentally and physically. I needed to sleep, but I needed to be with Mara too.
Checking the time on my watch and pacing, coffee in hand, I was aware of my Mom calling my name,
"Jon, Jon, come quick, Mara, she's awake".
dumping my coffee in the trash I flew round to ICU, straight into Mara's room. The Dr's and nurses all hovering around her bed checking her vitals. Watching the staff work, I looked at Mara, her eye's were glazed and she was dazed and confused. I called out to her,
"Mara, it's ok babe, were all here"
"Jon? Where am I?" Mara was afraid and I so wanted to hold her and reassure her, but the Dr's were blocking the way working with Mara..
"your in hospital sweetheart, just relax everything will be fine."
After what seemed like forever the Dr's satisfied that she was safe left the room, my Mom left with the Dr's and spoke with them about her future Daughter-in laws condition., yes; I had decided if Mara and I got through this I wanted her for my wife.
You know, my dad told me that when you take a sip of wine, it takes only one sip to tell if its a good bottle. Well guys, this was an excellent bottle, and I intended on drinking the bottle. Ok, not a romantic comparison, but a darn good one nonetheless right?
Moving to Mara's bedside, I held her un-burnt hand and bent over and gently kissed her on the lips, her brown eye's sort mine as she asked,
"What happened Jon?, I don't remember"
"There was a fire babe, you passed out, from smoke inhalation"
"Fire?" Where?"
"Your house, Babe"
"My house", tears welled in her eye's.
"How? Why?"
"we don't know yet; the Fire Chief is investigating."
"Is my house..... totally gone?"
"I think so babe, it was pretty bad."
"No...oh god...my memories, photographs, they will all be gone." turning her head away from me as she let a tear roll down her face.
"Mara, I'm sorry, I really am, I know what you mean, there are something's that are irreplaceable; but you being alive babe is far more important than a few photos, right? life is irreplaceable, and well, I'd choose you over any pictures any day."
Mara turned to face me and tried to smile, and with watery eye's she said " your right, I am alive and well I still have my memories,.... I think...."
I just smiled at Mara, her beauty even through her burns, filled my heart with so much love. Mara spoke breaking into my thoughts...
"What day is it Jon?"
"Friday,"
" Are you not having the kids Jon? it was today wasn't it?
I'd forgot, with everything that had happened, fuck... the realisation suddenly hitting me like a steam train.....I had to ring Dot and explain.
"babe hang on, ok I have to ring Dot, I will be right back".
"Sure, go Jon, I'll wait right here for you." she smiled at me as I left her room and the hospital and headed outside to make the call, Dot's words "no letting the kids down Jon" ringing in my head, jeez first time I could have them in months and I failed.... ringing her number, and thinking as I waited for her to answer.
"Hello,
"Dot, it's Jon..."
"Tell me your on your way Jon, the kids are excited and waiting......"
"Dot, there has been an accident?"
"What? are you ok?"
"No, its not me Dot, its Mara, there was a fire at her house, I am in North Arlington Hospital in ICU, I have been here for the last 48 hours.... "
"Oh, god, no, that's awful, is she ok?"
" She suffered from smoke inhalation, and has been in a coma for 48 hours, she finally came round about 40 minutes ago. she has some some serious burns that will need surgery too, but we are hoping all will be good. "
"I'm pleased she has come round and sorry about the burns, and well I don't mean to be cruel Jon but what do you want me to tell the kids?"
"Look Dot, It's mad right now, ok, I'm fifty minutes away from you; maybe more and I aint slept for 48 hours, but, I promised you I would not let the kids down and I won't, so listen, let me go talk to my mom and check on Mara, if she is ok, I will leave and head out to you and collect the kids ok?"
"Sure, ok, just ring me as you leave, and Jon, please be careful..."
"I will, see ya shortly".
The call to Dot went better than I thought, but my body was screaming at me for sleep, and I promised myself tonight I would sleep, as long as Mara was ok.
Walking back into ICU and Mara's room I saw Dr Bannister Mara's Burns specialist. Calling his name, he came towards me.
"Morning Mr Bongiovi,"
"Morning Dr, so what can you tell me now Mara is awake, what are we facing."
I needed to be prepared for the worst, although Mara seemed fine, I wanted the Dr to tell me for sure.
"As I have said to your mom; It looks good, Mara's seems alert and responsive and her vitals are stable and good. Mara responded well to the questions we asked. We want to keep her in for a few more days, keeping a check on her burns, and to make sure there are no relapses, but generally, it looks as though Mara's will make a full recovery with no memory loss or brain damage. Her burns will need surgery and as soon as they heal well enough we will arrange that. She is a very lucky girl"
relief flooded through my body, she was going to be ok. emotion filling into my voice as I said;
"Thanks Dr, you don't know what hearing that means to me, if there is anything I can do for you, please just ask, anything.."
"I will think on that Mr Bongiovi, smiling her shook my hand and told me to go get some rest, then turned away and walked off to talk with the nurse standing at the desk station.
Saturday 25 May 2013
Pay Back!
Chapter 23
Pulling out of the hospital parking lot, I tried to figure out which way the driver of the Camaro took. cursing and spitting at myself for being so slow.
Turning right, on a hunch; and driving for 5 kilometres, before realising the choice taken was wrong; admitting defeat and cursing "Fuck!"; at the next intersection I headed back into North Arlington, and to Mara's work place.
Entering Elliot's gym, and walking to the Reception Desk, briefly explaining why I was there, a paged call was put out for Matt Burstock, Head Trainer.
Minutes later a tall dark haired guy came down the corridor to reception, introducing myself, something I very rarely did; I explained about the accident and how Mara was, then; requested Mara's personal information for her mom;which Matt gladly gave me.
Hell, he even offered more than once to make the call to Mara's mom, declining I just took the details and told him I would keep him posted; giving me his cell number for contact, I slipped it into my pocket and left the gym.
Back inside my car, cell phone in my hand I dialled Mara's mom's number and waited......
"Hello,"
"Hi, Mrs Goodward?,"
"Yes,"
"er hi, this is Jon,........ Jon Bon Jovi, I have been... er training with your daughter...."
"Hi jon, yes Mara's told me about you. I remember meeting you too all those years ago, how are you?"
"Yeah, I'm great, ... fine... errm... damn this is hard, Mrs Goodward, I need to tell you something;
I am sorry it's on the phone, but ...... Mara's in hospital, it's real bad,....critical...... she's in ICU..."
somehow I managed to get out the message.
Taking a breath I waited for her Mom to speak.
"thanks Jon, for letting me know. ...... I mean,..... that could not have been easy for you.... so.... errm, do we know how or what caused this to happen?
" No, not yet, Mrs Goodward, I guess until the fire department finish there investigation we won't know anything for certain...."
I was feeling quite unsettled, almost as If I should be explaining and apologising. I wasn't guilty, but god damn it, I sure felt that way.
To hide my insecurity I asked for her address, and deliberately didn't mention anything about the Camaro yet or the blonde driver. There was no proof that the fire and the driver of the Camaro were connected, but deep down inside my gut, I was certain the driver had played a part in the fire and Mara's condition. I just needed the proof, and to do that I was gonna need the help of the Police.
"erm, yes, Jon of course, my address is 1900, West Bourne Heights, but Jon, you really don't have to collect me, I can get my own way there, I don't want to put you out?"
"Really Mrs Goodward it's no bother, I want to help, ..... so just a little thing,.... could you give me directions? I'm getting around the town, but with your help and directions it would be so much quicker?"
"Sure, where abouts are you now?"
"Erm, I'm outside Mara's work place"
"Ok, from where you are head south, along mount drive to the main set of lights, go straight across and merge with the traffic heading to route 17. at the first ramp, head right on to Lincoln Boulevard, then turn left at Warfields St, then first right onto West Bourne Heights. I am about 900 yards along from the street sign. but Jon, look are you sure, I can get a cab... "
"Mrs Goodward, I won't hear of it... its really no trouble, ..... look I have a couple of errands to run, but I should be with you in about an hour if that's ok?, my mom is with Mara right now, she has my cell phone and has promised to let me know if anything happens while I'm not there, look let me give you my mom's cell number and you can call her until I reach you"
"Thanks Jon, you sure your mom won't mind me calling her?"
"Nah it is fine, Ill let my mom know your gonna call"
"Ok, but Jon, please call me Ruth, Mrs Goodward is so formal... ok?"
"Ok, Ruth, so, see you in about an hour?"
"an hour, bye Jon."
Ending the call my next stop was the police station. Starting the engine I headed off on Maine Street, and then Minor Boulevard, 6 sets of lights later and I parked up outside the NAPD.
Once inside I spoke to the desk clerk. explaining what I was there for he went out back to get an officer.
"Afternoon, I believe you have some information regarding a crime you suspect has been committed,?"
"Yes, that's right, but suspect is all it is, I'm not one hundred per cent sure..."
" Well, ok, come through, and lets talk and see if your intuition is correct. My name is Detective Aaron Ross, .... no need to tell me who you are,..... it's Jon Bon Jovi right?" he said the last sentence with a smile on his face.
"Er yes, that's right detective. so how come I am talking to you and not a regular officer?"
" When the desk clerk told me it was regarding the fire at 1385, Bridge Moore Ave, my interest was peaked. We work closely with the NAFD especially when they suspect Arson.;
"Arson?"
"Yes, Mr Giovi, the fire chief has raised that, so any information is vital at this time, and as it goes I am the detective assigned to this case....... so what information do you have?" opening the door to his office, he gestured for me to enter.
taking a seat behind his desk, while I sat on the opposite side.
Time slipped by, for forty minutes I told the Detective all I knew including giving him the license plate number and a full description of the blonde and her Camaro."
" Mmmmm, you were right to bring this to our attention; we cannot prove that the women in the Camaro caused or started the fire, but we can investigate the license plates and start with who the car belongs too and why the interest in you and your girlfriend. rest assured Mr Giovi, I will come back to you as soon as I know anything." rising from his desk, he shook my hand and gave me his card.
Leaving the Police Department I felt a little more at ease. The detective had told me not to approach the driver and if there were any more occurrences, just to make notes as to where, time and date.
Climbing back into my car, I went to collect Mara's mom. Arriving a little after the hour I'd stated,
knocking on the door, Ruth answered;
"Jon, Come in please, I'll just get my things and be right with you." Stepping into the lounge area, there were photographs everywhere of Mara, and Mara and I guessed her late husband and other family members, I assumed her uncle and aunts. Looking at them all with interest I stopped at one black and white photograph that showed a young women in her early twenties, not unlike Mara, the unmistakeable smile and eye's that smiled from the heart, a happy smile given to the person taking the picture.
Ruth entered the room, "I wasn't a bad catch back in my younger days was I Jon?" Turning to look at Ruth I answered.
"You were stunning Ruth, I can see where Mara gets her beauty, both inside and out."
"Why, thank you, Mara is a very special girl Jon, very special, ...... I don't know what I will do if...."
reaching my arms out towards Ruth I pulled her close to give her a hug and reassure her everything would be alright. Ruth sobbed into my shoulder, while I stroked her back and made soothing sounds to help calm her down.
Regaining her composure Ruth dried her eye's and gestured towards the door, shall we...... walking down the drive to my car, Ruth grabbed my arm and thanked me again, her eye's filling with tears as she got into my car.
Climbing in the other side, and starting the engine I drove back to the hospital, back to Mara. Ruth as quiet as I was while I drove, both praying that things would get better.
Pulling out of the hospital parking lot, I tried to figure out which way the driver of the Camaro took. cursing and spitting at myself for being so slow.
Turning right, on a hunch; and driving for 5 kilometres, before realising the choice taken was wrong; admitting defeat and cursing "Fuck!"; at the next intersection I headed back into North Arlington, and to Mara's work place.
Entering Elliot's gym, and walking to the Reception Desk, briefly explaining why I was there, a paged call was put out for Matt Burstock, Head Trainer.
Minutes later a tall dark haired guy came down the corridor to reception, introducing myself, something I very rarely did; I explained about the accident and how Mara was, then; requested Mara's personal information for her mom;which Matt gladly gave me.
Hell, he even offered more than once to make the call to Mara's mom, declining I just took the details and told him I would keep him posted; giving me his cell number for contact, I slipped it into my pocket and left the gym.
Back inside my car, cell phone in my hand I dialled Mara's mom's number and waited......
"Hello,"
"Hi, Mrs Goodward?,"
"Yes,"
"er hi, this is Jon,........ Jon Bon Jovi, I have been... er training with your daughter...."
"Hi jon, yes Mara's told me about you. I remember meeting you too all those years ago, how are you?"
"Yeah, I'm great, ... fine... errm... damn this is hard, Mrs Goodward, I need to tell you something;
I am sorry it's on the phone, but ...... Mara's in hospital, it's real bad,....critical...... she's in ICU..."
somehow I managed to get out the message.
Taking a breath I waited for her Mom to speak.
"thanks Jon, for letting me know. ...... I mean,..... that could not have been easy for you.... so.... errm, do we know how or what caused this to happen?
" No, not yet, Mrs Goodward, I guess until the fire department finish there investigation we won't know anything for certain...."
I was feeling quite unsettled, almost as If I should be explaining and apologising. I wasn't guilty, but god damn it, I sure felt that way.
To hide my insecurity I asked for her address, and deliberately didn't mention anything about the Camaro yet or the blonde driver. There was no proof that the fire and the driver of the Camaro were connected, but deep down inside my gut, I was certain the driver had played a part in the fire and Mara's condition. I just needed the proof, and to do that I was gonna need the help of the Police.
"erm, yes, Jon of course, my address is 1900, West Bourne Heights, but Jon, you really don't have to collect me, I can get my own way there, I don't want to put you out?"
"Really Mrs Goodward it's no bother, I want to help, ..... so just a little thing,.... could you give me directions? I'm getting around the town, but with your help and directions it would be so much quicker?"
"Sure, where abouts are you now?"
"Erm, I'm outside Mara's work place"
"Ok, from where you are head south, along mount drive to the main set of lights, go straight across and merge with the traffic heading to route 17. at the first ramp, head right on to Lincoln Boulevard, then turn left at Warfields St, then first right onto West Bourne Heights. I am about 900 yards along from the street sign. but Jon, look are you sure, I can get a cab... "
"Mrs Goodward, I won't hear of it... its really no trouble, ..... look I have a couple of errands to run, but I should be with you in about an hour if that's ok?, my mom is with Mara right now, she has my cell phone and has promised to let me know if anything happens while I'm not there, look let me give you my mom's cell number and you can call her until I reach you"
"Thanks Jon, you sure your mom won't mind me calling her?"
"Nah it is fine, Ill let my mom know your gonna call"
"Ok, but Jon, please call me Ruth, Mrs Goodward is so formal... ok?"
"Ok, Ruth, so, see you in about an hour?"
"an hour, bye Jon."
Ending the call my next stop was the police station. Starting the engine I headed off on Maine Street, and then Minor Boulevard, 6 sets of lights later and I parked up outside the NAPD.
Once inside I spoke to the desk clerk. explaining what I was there for he went out back to get an officer.
"Afternoon, I believe you have some information regarding a crime you suspect has been committed,?"
"Yes, that's right, but suspect is all it is, I'm not one hundred per cent sure..."
" Well, ok, come through, and lets talk and see if your intuition is correct. My name is Detective Aaron Ross, .... no need to tell me who you are,..... it's Jon Bon Jovi right?" he said the last sentence with a smile on his face.
"Er yes, that's right detective. so how come I am talking to you and not a regular officer?"
" When the desk clerk told me it was regarding the fire at 1385, Bridge Moore Ave, my interest was peaked. We work closely with the NAFD especially when they suspect Arson.;
"Arson?"
"Yes, Mr Giovi, the fire chief has raised that, so any information is vital at this time, and as it goes I am the detective assigned to this case....... so what information do you have?" opening the door to his office, he gestured for me to enter.
taking a seat behind his desk, while I sat on the opposite side.
Time slipped by, for forty minutes I told the Detective all I knew including giving him the license plate number and a full description of the blonde and her Camaro."
" Mmmmm, you were right to bring this to our attention; we cannot prove that the women in the Camaro caused or started the fire, but we can investigate the license plates and start with who the car belongs too and why the interest in you and your girlfriend. rest assured Mr Giovi, I will come back to you as soon as I know anything." rising from his desk, he shook my hand and gave me his card.
Leaving the Police Department I felt a little more at ease. The detective had told me not to approach the driver and if there were any more occurrences, just to make notes as to where, time and date.
Climbing back into my car, I went to collect Mara's mom. Arriving a little after the hour I'd stated,
knocking on the door, Ruth answered;
"Jon, Come in please, I'll just get my things and be right with you." Stepping into the lounge area, there were photographs everywhere of Mara, and Mara and I guessed her late husband and other family members, I assumed her uncle and aunts. Looking at them all with interest I stopped at one black and white photograph that showed a young women in her early twenties, not unlike Mara, the unmistakeable smile and eye's that smiled from the heart, a happy smile given to the person taking the picture.
Ruth entered the room, "I wasn't a bad catch back in my younger days was I Jon?" Turning to look at Ruth I answered.
"You were stunning Ruth, I can see where Mara gets her beauty, both inside and out."
"Why, thank you, Mara is a very special girl Jon, very special, ...... I don't know what I will do if...."
reaching my arms out towards Ruth I pulled her close to give her a hug and reassure her everything would be alright. Ruth sobbed into my shoulder, while I stroked her back and made soothing sounds to help calm her down.
Regaining her composure Ruth dried her eye's and gestured towards the door, shall we...... walking down the drive to my car, Ruth grabbed my arm and thanked me again, her eye's filling with tears as she got into my car.
Climbing in the other side, and starting the engine I drove back to the hospital, back to Mara. Ruth as quiet as I was while I drove, both praying that things would get better.
Tuesday 14 May 2013
Seat Next To You
Chapter 22
Watching with a fear gripped around my heart, I felt totally helpless as the Dr's and nurses worked tirelessly to save Mara.
Time felt like it had stood still and everything was in slow motion, my; no, our life on hold.
What would I do without Mara, my mind in chaos, stop torturing yourself Jon, snap out of it, she will be fine, she is a fit young women and healthy, everything will be fine.
Over and over I told myself the same thing when the doubt and negative thoughts crept in casting doubt over Mara. It was the only way to keep myself from going crazy and falling apart.
Looking at the time 6.45am, my body was tired, exhausted, apart from a couple of snatched minutes of shut eye, I had not slept, although if I had tried to sleep It would have been restless as my mind was fixed on Mara.
Putting my hands in my pockets, my cell phone was ringing. pulling it from my pocket I saw that it was my Mom. I walked down the corridor and out of the hospital to connect the call.
" Hi Jonny, Your pop wants to know...." I cut in on my mom talking,
"Mom, hang on listen... I am in North Arlington, Mara is in hospital,.... there was a fire... she is critical.... they are working on her..... I don't know what to do...." I rambled, my mind unable to any longer string together full sentences. Talking to my Mom my body and mind gave in to the pressure of the last 24 hours.
"What hospital Jon?"
"errr St Jerome's, North Arlington"
"Stay there Jon, I'm on my way, have you collected anything for Mara, night ware, wash bag?"
"what?, er, no Mom, I've been here all night, I aint left the hospital at all. .... they are working to try to save Mara, Mom, what'll I do, I can't lose her"
"Jon, stay calm, ok, I'm on the way."
pressing the end call on my cell phone I walked back inside the hospital, back round to ICU.
Dr Bannister was waiting for me.
"Mr Bon Giovi, Mara is stable for the time being, you can go back inside and sit with her if you wish,"
"What happened?"
"Mara went into cardiac arrest. She is lucky, we have managed to re start her heart. my face must have shown complete shock, as the Dr finished his explanation;
"Mr Bon Giovi given your girl friends injuries this is normal. as I said the next 72 hours were critical."
"So this could happen again?"
"Yes, it might."
"What happens if it continues?,"
"Mr Bon Giovi, I don't have the gift of seeing into the future, I can only deal with now.... and all you can do is be there for Mara,.... now if you will excuse me." The Dr left and headed away to see
another of his patients.
I walked back into the room, back round to the chair I had been sat in, I just stood looking at Mara, tears now freely rolling down my face. I lent across her body and gently kissed her burnt lips and "whispered, be strong baby, I love you, and I'm right here" pulling back I sat down in the chair and gently held Mara's left hand, stroking it with my thumb, I sat willing her to pull through. I had no idea of the time until a nurse came into the room, I looked at my watch as she spoke,
"Mr Bon Giovi, there is a women out at reception asking for you"
"Thanks" I got up and followed the nurse out of the ICU department.
Waiting at reception was my Mom, she walked towards me and gave me a big hug, I hugged her right back. Relieved to have her with me.
"Thanks for coming Mom."
"So what happened?"
"honestly mom, I don't know," I told my mom about the Camaro
and the mystery blonde, and my following Mara home and then the
fire engines and the fire. Mom listened and didn't interrupt while I spoke. after I finished she said....
"Jon, you need to contact the authorities, this is really serious."
"Yeah, but I don't know for sure that the women in the Camaro caused this, do I?"
"No, you don't Jon, but you should really contact the Police department and let them decide. They need to know what you have told me"
"Yeah, I will,.... right now I need to know Mara will be ok, she is my priority mom."
"Sure Son, I get that, but you should address this sooner rather than later,.... Jon? are you listening, my mind wasn't focused, and I kinda heard, my mom carried on;
"so have you told her mom Jon?"
"No, not yet, I gotta go to Mara's gym and get those details, can you believe mom that I don't know the simplest things about Mara, jesus Christ, I don't even know her birthday mom. In the time we have spent together Mara has just focused on helping me....
..... holy fuck"
"Son, you have only been together a short time, stop beating up on your self, its all good and can be fixed. .........c'mon, Look I'll sit with Mara, you go and find out where Mara's mom lives; and let her know her daughter is critical in hospital. If anything happens to her daughter and she didn't know,.... well being a mom lets just say....."
"Ok, mom, I'm a parent too ya know, I do get it! ....... there was a long pause before I said.... ok; c'mon mom, I'll take you to Mara and head off, ...... you do promise you'll let me know if anything happens right?"
"of course son, and Jon...... please go tell the cops too eh"
I took my mom to ICU and in to Mara's room, leaning over to Mara I kissed her gently on her forehead before saying good bye to my mom and heading out of the door and the hospital.
The day outside was cooler than of late, and the breeze was a welcome relief to my face. walking across the parking lot to my car I saw the red Camaro again. fury built inside of me and I ran towards the car and driver.
As I neared, the driver took off, I did manage to get the registration plate at last something concrete to share with the cops.. My blood was boiling as I was trying to rack my brains as to what this was all about and who the mystery blonde was. What the fuck did she want with me?. What was she to do with the fire and Mara? I wanted answer's and I sure the fuck was gonna find out!!!
Watching with a fear gripped around my heart, I felt totally helpless as the Dr's and nurses worked tirelessly to save Mara.
Time felt like it had stood still and everything was in slow motion, my; no, our life on hold.
What would I do without Mara, my mind in chaos, stop torturing yourself Jon, snap out of it, she will be fine, she is a fit young women and healthy, everything will be fine.
Over and over I told myself the same thing when the doubt and negative thoughts crept in casting doubt over Mara. It was the only way to keep myself from going crazy and falling apart.
Looking at the time 6.45am, my body was tired, exhausted, apart from a couple of snatched minutes of shut eye, I had not slept, although if I had tried to sleep It would have been restless as my mind was fixed on Mara.
Putting my hands in my pockets, my cell phone was ringing. pulling it from my pocket I saw that it was my Mom. I walked down the corridor and out of the hospital to connect the call.
" Hi Jonny, Your pop wants to know...." I cut in on my mom talking,
"Mom, hang on listen... I am in North Arlington, Mara is in hospital,.... there was a fire... she is critical.... they are working on her..... I don't know what to do...." I rambled, my mind unable to any longer string together full sentences. Talking to my Mom my body and mind gave in to the pressure of the last 24 hours.
"What hospital Jon?"
"errr St Jerome's, North Arlington"
"Stay there Jon, I'm on my way, have you collected anything for Mara, night ware, wash bag?"
"what?, er, no Mom, I've been here all night, I aint left the hospital at all. .... they are working to try to save Mara, Mom, what'll I do, I can't lose her"
"Jon, stay calm, ok, I'm on the way."
pressing the end call on my cell phone I walked back inside the hospital, back round to ICU.
Dr Bannister was waiting for me.
"Mr Bon Giovi, Mara is stable for the time being, you can go back inside and sit with her if you wish,"
"What happened?"
"Mara went into cardiac arrest. She is lucky, we have managed to re start her heart. my face must have shown complete shock, as the Dr finished his explanation;
"Mr Bon Giovi given your girl friends injuries this is normal. as I said the next 72 hours were critical."
"So this could happen again?"
"Yes, it might."
"What happens if it continues?,"
"Mr Bon Giovi, I don't have the gift of seeing into the future, I can only deal with now.... and all you can do is be there for Mara,.... now if you will excuse me." The Dr left and headed away to see
another of his patients.
I walked back into the room, back round to the chair I had been sat in, I just stood looking at Mara, tears now freely rolling down my face. I lent across her body and gently kissed her burnt lips and "whispered, be strong baby, I love you, and I'm right here" pulling back I sat down in the chair and gently held Mara's left hand, stroking it with my thumb, I sat willing her to pull through. I had no idea of the time until a nurse came into the room, I looked at my watch as she spoke,
"Mr Bon Giovi, there is a women out at reception asking for you"
"Thanks" I got up and followed the nurse out of the ICU department.
Waiting at reception was my Mom, she walked towards me and gave me a big hug, I hugged her right back. Relieved to have her with me.
"Thanks for coming Mom."
"So what happened?"
"honestly mom, I don't know," I told my mom about the Camaro
and the mystery blonde, and my following Mara home and then the
fire engines and the fire. Mom listened and didn't interrupt while I spoke. after I finished she said....
"Jon, you need to contact the authorities, this is really serious."
"Yeah, but I don't know for sure that the women in the Camaro caused this, do I?"
"No, you don't Jon, but you should really contact the Police department and let them decide. They need to know what you have told me"
"Yeah, I will,.... right now I need to know Mara will be ok, she is my priority mom."
"Sure Son, I get that, but you should address this sooner rather than later,.... Jon? are you listening, my mind wasn't focused, and I kinda heard, my mom carried on;
"so have you told her mom Jon?"
"No, not yet, I gotta go to Mara's gym and get those details, can you believe mom that I don't know the simplest things about Mara, jesus Christ, I don't even know her birthday mom. In the time we have spent together Mara has just focused on helping me....
..... holy fuck"
"Son, you have only been together a short time, stop beating up on your self, its all good and can be fixed. .........c'mon, Look I'll sit with Mara, you go and find out where Mara's mom lives; and let her know her daughter is critical in hospital. If anything happens to her daughter and she didn't know,.... well being a mom lets just say....."
"Ok, mom, I'm a parent too ya know, I do get it! ....... there was a long pause before I said.... ok; c'mon mom, I'll take you to Mara and head off, ...... you do promise you'll let me know if anything happens right?"
"of course son, and Jon...... please go tell the cops too eh"
I took my mom to ICU and in to Mara's room, leaning over to Mara I kissed her gently on her forehead before saying good bye to my mom and heading out of the door and the hospital.
The day outside was cooler than of late, and the breeze was a welcome relief to my face. walking across the parking lot to my car I saw the red Camaro again. fury built inside of me and I ran towards the car and driver.
As I neared, the driver took off, I did manage to get the registration plate at last something concrete to share with the cops.. My blood was boiling as I was trying to rack my brains as to what this was all about and who the mystery blonde was. What the fuck did she want with me?. What was she to do with the fire and Mara? I wanted answer's and I sure the fuck was gonna find out!!!
Monday 13 May 2013
Something for the pain
Chapter Twenty One
Climbing into my car, I started the engine and drove as fast as I could to St Jerome's Hospital the journey dragging as I was held up at stop signs and lights.
Questions raced in my mind, how had this happened? Was the mystery women in the Camaro the reason, Mara was in hospital? .
Fact I honestly didn't know, should I tell the cops what I suspected and about the mystery blonde and the Camaro? and what I was doing tonight? logic told my brain they needed to know and would, right now my main concern was Mara.
Pulling into the parking lot of the hospital, I parked my car and headed to the reception area, my chest was sore and heavy from the smoke of the fire, and my eyes too.
Walking through the hospital doors, I headed to the main reception desk.
the receptionist looked up from her computer,
"Yes can I help you?"
I answered, with a raspy voice ,
"yes my girlfriend has just been admitted, ...... she was in a house fire."
"Name please?"
"Mara Goodward"
"Address?"
"1385, Bridge Moore Ave, North Arlington"
"Date of birth?"
"Sorry I'm not sure." Jesus how can I not know Mara's birthday, making a mental note I was sure gonna find out........ If she lived.
That last thought terrified me, as I watched the receptionist; a fear and aching gripped my heart.
The receptionist continued tapping on her computer, without raising her eye's in acknowledgement she spoke;
"Umm, please wait here."
excusing herself she left and headed off to find one of the Dr's in ICU.
I stood waiting, and wondering.
This was St Jerome's Hospital wasn't it? thinking of the parking lot sign it said St Jerome's. Having never felt panic to this level I really was shaken by how out of control and useless I felt.
I stood waiting.... and waiting.... finally the receptionist returned.
"The young women you are enquiring about was taken straight into re- sus and ICU, her details have not been registered yet. Would you like to register her now?, do you have her medical insurance details?
"No, Sorry I don't"
"Are you a relative?"
"Erm, not exactly, she's my Girlfriend."
"Do you know her details sir?"
"what?, erm, no not really, look please can you take me through to her? I need to see her..."
"Sir I'm sorry, you cannot go through at the moment, the Dr's are working on her. We need to register your friend."
"Girlfriend" I corrected the receptionist.
"Girlfriend,..... sir, I am sorry but I am trying to do my job. Do you have the details of her next of kin?"
"Next of kin???"
"Yes sir, in the event of death we need the details of her next of kin, can you provide these details for me?."
"Are you telling me she could die?"
"Sir, this is a formality.
" How the fuck can death be a formality?"
I was fast losing patience I snapped "Look, I will cover all the medical costs, and I will get the information you need; but in time ,ok?, can you please just take me through to my girlfriend?" The receptionist continued her questions,
"Can you tell me how you will pay for her treatment Sir?"
" for love of god, raising my voice, "Will you please take me to my girlfriend, you will get paid. I am good for it"
The next thing I knew, a security guard was by my side,
"Sir, can I ask you to lower your voice please and be respectful, there are people that are waiting on there family too. The receptionist is trying to do her job, not make things difficult for you. now will you give the receptionist your details, or I will have to ask you to leave."
My mind was in a whirl, but I tried to calm down and gave the receptionist all of my personal details, I noted myself as next of kin, as I did not have Mara's mom's information. ........ shit!, Mara's Mom, she needed to be told too........ How would I get her details..... I know, I would go to the gym and see if they could help me? they are bound to have Mara's details of her family right?. satisfying myself they would I paid for Mara's medical bill, I left the charge open to whatever costs and treatment was needed. I wanted Mara to have the best.
After giving my name, and credit card details; the look of sudden recognition on the receptionists face was clear, blushing a little the receptionist apologised for not recognising me and not being more patient and supportive. Truthfully I did not care, Mara was my concern. The Receptionist leaving her station, then lead me to the waiting area of the ICU unit.
I paced, sat, stood, mooched, paced some more, got coffee, paced, I could not relax. the whole time I was thinking about the nights events and what had happened, the Camaro, the fire and Mara. the time dragged, I checked it constantly, minutes felt like hours. Every time a door opened or a Dr or nurse walked by, I prayed they were coming to see me with good news.
3am; a Dr approached me, "Mr Bon Giovi, I'm Dr Bannister, Burns Doctor looking after I understand; a young women that is your girlfriend?"
"Yes, that's right, how is she?"
"At this moment stable."
"Stable,? what does that mean?"
"We have her sedated and on oxygen, her burns on her right arm and leg are quite severe. At this time it looks as though she will need surgery in the future. her face, well; the burns are significant but the scaring should fade but there will be the option of cosmetic surgery if she chooses.
"What are you saying Dr? all I wanted to know was if Mara would die, I asked,
"could Mara die?" No one would give me answers; from being told at the scene of the fire she was barley alive, I just had to know.
The Dr looked at me; he could see I was in no mood for pleasantries and maybe's and soft talk; he decided it was better to be honest so told me straight.
"Mr Bon Giovi, your girlfriend has 3rd degree burns and has suffered from severe smoke inhalation, she had stopped breathing upon arrival. we resuscitated her, but due to the lack of oxygen before she was rescued from the fire, she could have brain damage. We will have to wait for at least 72 hours, and for Mara to regain consciousness to see the full extent of the damage. I'm sorry It's not better news."
touching my arm he asked,
"would you like to see Mara?"
I nodded and followed the Dr through to Mara's bed in ICU. The Dr opened the door to let me inside then headed off back to the emergency ward.
I was totally alone sitting with Mara, watching her unconscious injured body. I looked at her charred skin from the fire; her face black; scabs on her lips, eye lids and cheeks; the bandages on her arm, and just listening to the bleeps of the machines that were keeping Mara alive.
Leaning on the edge of the bed with my head resting on my arms, I closed my eye's and prayed long and hard that Mara would be ok.
I must have dozed off to sleep; for the second time in less that twenty four hours as I was suddenly aware of Dr's and nurses buzzing round Mara.
A nurse spoke first,
"Sir, could you please wait outside",
alarms were sounding on the machines that were hooked up to Mara, her body had arched and looked to be convulsing. I stood and headed outside of ICU, and watched helplessly as the Dr's and nurses all gathered round Mara and worked to save her life for the second time.
Dear God; when was this nightmare going to end......
Climbing into my car, I started the engine and drove as fast as I could to St Jerome's Hospital the journey dragging as I was held up at stop signs and lights.
Questions raced in my mind, how had this happened? Was the mystery women in the Camaro the reason, Mara was in hospital? .
Fact I honestly didn't know, should I tell the cops what I suspected and about the mystery blonde and the Camaro? and what I was doing tonight? logic told my brain they needed to know and would, right now my main concern was Mara.
Pulling into the parking lot of the hospital, I parked my car and headed to the reception area, my chest was sore and heavy from the smoke of the fire, and my eyes too.
Walking through the hospital doors, I headed to the main reception desk.
the receptionist looked up from her computer,
"Yes can I help you?"
I answered, with a raspy voice ,
"yes my girlfriend has just been admitted, ...... she was in a house fire."
"Name please?"
"Mara Goodward"
"Address?"
"1385, Bridge Moore Ave, North Arlington"
"Date of birth?"
"Sorry I'm not sure." Jesus how can I not know Mara's birthday, making a mental note I was sure gonna find out........ If she lived.
That last thought terrified me, as I watched the receptionist; a fear and aching gripped my heart.
The receptionist continued tapping on her computer, without raising her eye's in acknowledgement she spoke;
"Umm, please wait here."
excusing herself she left and headed off to find one of the Dr's in ICU.
I stood waiting, and wondering.
This was St Jerome's Hospital wasn't it? thinking of the parking lot sign it said St Jerome's. Having never felt panic to this level I really was shaken by how out of control and useless I felt.
I stood waiting.... and waiting.... finally the receptionist returned.
"The young women you are enquiring about was taken straight into re- sus and ICU, her details have not been registered yet. Would you like to register her now?, do you have her medical insurance details?
"No, Sorry I don't"
"Are you a relative?"
"Erm, not exactly, she's my Girlfriend."
"Do you know her details sir?"
"what?, erm, no not really, look please can you take me through to her? I need to see her..."
"Sir I'm sorry, you cannot go through at the moment, the Dr's are working on her. We need to register your friend."
"Girlfriend" I corrected the receptionist.
"Girlfriend,..... sir, I am sorry but I am trying to do my job. Do you have the details of her next of kin?"
"Next of kin???"
"Yes sir, in the event of death we need the details of her next of kin, can you provide these details for me?."
"Are you telling me she could die?"
"Sir, this is a formality.
" How the fuck can death be a formality?"
I was fast losing patience I snapped "Look, I will cover all the medical costs, and I will get the information you need; but in time ,ok?, can you please just take me through to my girlfriend?" The receptionist continued her questions,
"Can you tell me how you will pay for her treatment Sir?"
" for love of god, raising my voice, "Will you please take me to my girlfriend, you will get paid. I am good for it"
The next thing I knew, a security guard was by my side,
"Sir, can I ask you to lower your voice please and be respectful, there are people that are waiting on there family too. The receptionist is trying to do her job, not make things difficult for you. now will you give the receptionist your details, or I will have to ask you to leave."
My mind was in a whirl, but I tried to calm down and gave the receptionist all of my personal details, I noted myself as next of kin, as I did not have Mara's mom's information. ........ shit!, Mara's Mom, she needed to be told too........ How would I get her details..... I know, I would go to the gym and see if they could help me? they are bound to have Mara's details of her family right?. satisfying myself they would I paid for Mara's medical bill, I left the charge open to whatever costs and treatment was needed. I wanted Mara to have the best.
After giving my name, and credit card details; the look of sudden recognition on the receptionists face was clear, blushing a little the receptionist apologised for not recognising me and not being more patient and supportive. Truthfully I did not care, Mara was my concern. The Receptionist leaving her station, then lead me to the waiting area of the ICU unit.
I paced, sat, stood, mooched, paced some more, got coffee, paced, I could not relax. the whole time I was thinking about the nights events and what had happened, the Camaro, the fire and Mara. the time dragged, I checked it constantly, minutes felt like hours. Every time a door opened or a Dr or nurse walked by, I prayed they were coming to see me with good news.
3am; a Dr approached me, "Mr Bon Giovi, I'm Dr Bannister, Burns Doctor looking after I understand; a young women that is your girlfriend?"
"Yes, that's right, how is she?"
"At this moment stable."
"Stable,? what does that mean?"
"We have her sedated and on oxygen, her burns on her right arm and leg are quite severe. At this time it looks as though she will need surgery in the future. her face, well; the burns are significant but the scaring should fade but there will be the option of cosmetic surgery if she chooses.
"What are you saying Dr? all I wanted to know was if Mara would die, I asked,
"could Mara die?" No one would give me answers; from being told at the scene of the fire she was barley alive, I just had to know.
The Dr looked at me; he could see I was in no mood for pleasantries and maybe's and soft talk; he decided it was better to be honest so told me straight.
"Mr Bon Giovi, your girlfriend has 3rd degree burns and has suffered from severe smoke inhalation, she had stopped breathing upon arrival. we resuscitated her, but due to the lack of oxygen before she was rescued from the fire, she could have brain damage. We will have to wait for at least 72 hours, and for Mara to regain consciousness to see the full extent of the damage. I'm sorry It's not better news."
touching my arm he asked,
"would you like to see Mara?"
I nodded and followed the Dr through to Mara's bed in ICU. The Dr opened the door to let me inside then headed off back to the emergency ward.
I was totally alone sitting with Mara, watching her unconscious injured body. I looked at her charred skin from the fire; her face black; scabs on her lips, eye lids and cheeks; the bandages on her arm, and just listening to the bleeps of the machines that were keeping Mara alive.
Leaning on the edge of the bed with my head resting on my arms, I closed my eye's and prayed long and hard that Mara would be ok.
I must have dozed off to sleep; for the second time in less that twenty four hours as I was suddenly aware of Dr's and nurses buzzing round Mara.
A nurse spoke first,
"Sir, could you please wait outside",
alarms were sounding on the machines that were hooked up to Mara, her body had arched and looked to be convulsing. I stood and headed outside of ICU, and watched helplessly as the Dr's and nurses all gathered round Mara and worked to save her life for the second time.
Dear God; when was this nightmare going to end......
Friday 10 May 2013
Out of the Ashes
Chapter Twenty
I stood on the drive watching Mara pull away; sad that she could not stay over; Mara had shown me that above all else she was a professional and took her job seriously. Her clients were lucky to have her, actually no, I was lucky to have her. I focused on Friday which was looming and bringing with it another day together, and my kids.
Watching Mara turn out of my drive and head for her home, I saw a flash of red. Was the Camaro now following Mara?. What the fuck? who was this person? why was I being followed and now my Girlfriend. Panicked, I locked my front door, after throwing the bags of shopping into the lobby and climbed in to the vette.
Turning the engine I drove down the drive, at the end on instinct I turned left, I could see tail lights in the distance but could not be sure if it was Mara's car or the Camaro. I just prayed I was heading in the right direction. My instinct paid off, four sets of traffic lights later and I finally caught up three cars behind the Camaro. four Cars in front of the Camaro was Mara in her car. Sitting back I followed the Camaro. I prayed that it wasn't following Mara and that it was a coincidence but I was wrong.
Fifty minutes later we were in Mara's town, North Arlington, all the time the Camaro followed Mara. When she pulled over at the grocery store it stopped a way back, when she drove to her gym to collect her schedule again it followed and stopped a distance back. I did not know why? who was the blonde in the Camaro and why did she seem familiar to me. C'mon Jon, who was she.... I racked my brains trying to put a name to the face that I thought I knew. Every time I tried, I drew a blank.
The cat and mouse drive continued till we reached Mara's house.
Now that we had arrived I had no idea what I was gonna do. I sat in the vette and decided I would just watch for the time being. I thought about calling the cops, but what crime had been committed? none, just because the Camaro had followed Mara home, how could that be proof, they would say it was just coincidence, No I would just watch and if needed I would dial 911.
Mara got out of her car and went inside her house. I watched as she turned on lights room by room. I could see her moving around inside the house, the drapes were open, and Mara did nothing to close them. Mara continued her routine while the driver in the Camaro and I watched from afar.
Nightfall came, street lights came on, still the Camaro and the driver sat watching. I sat too; The night air was still, heavy and humid and I was honestly feeling sleepy. I needed caffeine to wake me. I thought about the nearest Starbucks I'm sure the nearest one was mile east from where I was parked, could I go grab one and not be seen?, from where I was parked the Camaro was seven cars ahead. I was sure that the driver had no idea I had followed them, but I could not be sure. so I just stayed put. yawning, why the fuck don't Starbucks do a delivery service. I started the engine of my car and turned on the air con in a vain attempt to keep me awake.
I was suddenly aware of sirens blaring; sitting up in my car it took a minute for me to realise where I was. I was at Mara's house wasn't I, I had followed the red Camaro. I looked ahead, but the Camaro was gone. Looking across at Mara's house I saw where the sirens had gone to. Mara's house it was on fire. I leapt out of my car and tore across the road.
I was stopped "Sorry Son; you can't come through here",
"But, that's my girlfriends house, she is inside, please you have to let me help her"
my pleas were in vain.
"Don't worry if she is there and alive we will get her out."
alive, fuck, she had to be alive. The smell of acrid smoke was overwhelming, it made my eye's water, I was starting to cough as the smoke begun filling into my lungs. The fire chief came over, "Son you have to get back please, let us do our job."
I moved to the road opposite, standing and watching for what seemed like hours. I just stood helplessly.
Ages past as I saw them bring Mara out, I ran back across to her, "Mara, are you ok," nothing.... I looked at her beautiful face, blackened by the smoke. I had to know, fearing the answer
" Is she alive?"
"Yes son, just barely."
Mara was put into the ambulance,
"What hospital are you taking her too?"
"St Jerome's, west side of town."
the doors closed and the ambulance set off. I stood for a moment collecting my thoughts, how the hell had this happened, all I could think of was I had fallen asleep. I walked across the road to my car and set off for the hospital, I prayed that Mara would make it, now that I had found her I could not bear to let her go, " Please god, keep her alive, I beg you."
I stood on the drive watching Mara pull away; sad that she could not stay over; Mara had shown me that above all else she was a professional and took her job seriously. Her clients were lucky to have her, actually no, I was lucky to have her. I focused on Friday which was looming and bringing with it another day together, and my kids.
Watching Mara turn out of my drive and head for her home, I saw a flash of red. Was the Camaro now following Mara?. What the fuck? who was this person? why was I being followed and now my Girlfriend. Panicked, I locked my front door, after throwing the bags of shopping into the lobby and climbed in to the vette.
Turning the engine I drove down the drive, at the end on instinct I turned left, I could see tail lights in the distance but could not be sure if it was Mara's car or the Camaro. I just prayed I was heading in the right direction. My instinct paid off, four sets of traffic lights later and I finally caught up three cars behind the Camaro. four Cars in front of the Camaro was Mara in her car. Sitting back I followed the Camaro. I prayed that it wasn't following Mara and that it was a coincidence but I was wrong.
Fifty minutes later we were in Mara's town, North Arlington, all the time the Camaro followed Mara. When she pulled over at the grocery store it stopped a way back, when she drove to her gym to collect her schedule again it followed and stopped a distance back. I did not know why? who was the blonde in the Camaro and why did she seem familiar to me. C'mon Jon, who was she.... I racked my brains trying to put a name to the face that I thought I knew. Every time I tried, I drew a blank.
The cat and mouse drive continued till we reached Mara's house.
Now that we had arrived I had no idea what I was gonna do. I sat in the vette and decided I would just watch for the time being. I thought about calling the cops, but what crime had been committed? none, just because the Camaro had followed Mara home, how could that be proof, they would say it was just coincidence, No I would just watch and if needed I would dial 911.
Mara got out of her car and went inside her house. I watched as she turned on lights room by room. I could see her moving around inside the house, the drapes were open, and Mara did nothing to close them. Mara continued her routine while the driver in the Camaro and I watched from afar.
Nightfall came, street lights came on, still the Camaro and the driver sat watching. I sat too; The night air was still, heavy and humid and I was honestly feeling sleepy. I needed caffeine to wake me. I thought about the nearest Starbucks I'm sure the nearest one was mile east from where I was parked, could I go grab one and not be seen?, from where I was parked the Camaro was seven cars ahead. I was sure that the driver had no idea I had followed them, but I could not be sure. so I just stayed put. yawning, why the fuck don't Starbucks do a delivery service. I started the engine of my car and turned on the air con in a vain attempt to keep me awake.
I was suddenly aware of sirens blaring; sitting up in my car it took a minute for me to realise where I was. I was at Mara's house wasn't I, I had followed the red Camaro. I looked ahead, but the Camaro was gone. Looking across at Mara's house I saw where the sirens had gone to. Mara's house it was on fire. I leapt out of my car and tore across the road.
I was stopped "Sorry Son; you can't come through here",
"But, that's my girlfriends house, she is inside, please you have to let me help her"
my pleas were in vain.
"Don't worry if she is there and alive we will get her out."
alive, fuck, she had to be alive. The smell of acrid smoke was overwhelming, it made my eye's water, I was starting to cough as the smoke begun filling into my lungs. The fire chief came over, "Son you have to get back please, let us do our job."
I moved to the road opposite, standing and watching for what seemed like hours. I just stood helplessly.
Ages past as I saw them bring Mara out, I ran back across to her, "Mara, are you ok," nothing.... I looked at her beautiful face, blackened by the smoke. I had to know, fearing the answer
" Is she alive?"
"Yes son, just barely."
Mara was put into the ambulance,
"What hospital are you taking her too?"
"St Jerome's, west side of town."
the doors closed and the ambulance set off. I stood for a moment collecting my thoughts, how the hell had this happened, all I could think of was I had fallen asleep. I walked across the road to my car and set off for the hospital, I prayed that Mara would make it, now that I had found her I could not bear to let her go, " Please god, keep her alive, I beg you."
Thursday 9 May 2013
Its My Life
Chapter Nineteen
Spin class was well different. I've never experienced anything like it in my life before. A bunch of people pumping ferociously to get absolutely no where. It was the most monotonous yet adrenaline inducing hour of my life. Well I am exaggerating just a bit; the past seven years were my most droning hours, but you get my drift. I wasn't sure if I enjoyed spinning or not. On one hand, wouldn't riding a bike outside be much more interesting? but in spin class Mara actually choreographed the ride. It was amazing, really, what she did up there on the bike. She chose the most invigorating and motivational music; songs that not only drove us to pump up the workout, but allowed us to delve into the deepest crevices of our minds to tune in with our physical bodies. We ran hills and climbed mountains. we jumped over boulders and cooled down striding around some beautiful lakes. Mara had us do this all from the 'comfort' of our own stationary spin cycles. Mara was an extraordinary instructor; and taking her class had helped me to build yet another layer of awe and respect for her.
Of course Mara had used one of my old songs during her class, which totally threw me. Naturally everyone turned to see my expression. I just nodded agreeably, closed my eye's and pedalled harder. I hadn't heard any of my songs really out in public for many years. It was quite disturbing at first; my heart began racing faster than the spinning had taken it. But by the end of the track I had let my body fall into the rhythm of my 1993 hit, and if I am honest it felt good.. I really did miss my music, and I was beginning to wonder if my recent introvertedness was actually doing a disservice to my psyche. Once again inadvertently; Mara was asking me to search deep inside myself for answers.
Spin class was well different. I've never experienced anything like it in my life before. A bunch of people pumping ferociously to get absolutely no where. It was the most monotonous yet adrenaline inducing hour of my life. Well I am exaggerating just a bit; the past seven years were my most droning hours, but you get my drift. I wasn't sure if I enjoyed spinning or not. On one hand, wouldn't riding a bike outside be much more interesting? but in spin class Mara actually choreographed the ride. It was amazing, really, what she did up there on the bike. She chose the most invigorating and motivational music; songs that not only drove us to pump up the workout, but allowed us to delve into the deepest crevices of our minds to tune in with our physical bodies. We ran hills and climbed mountains. we jumped over boulders and cooled down striding around some beautiful lakes. Mara had us do this all from the 'comfort' of our own stationary spin cycles. Mara was an extraordinary instructor; and taking her class had helped me to build yet another layer of awe and respect for her.
Of course Mara had used one of my old songs during her class, which totally threw me. Naturally everyone turned to see my expression. I just nodded agreeably, closed my eye's and pedalled harder. I hadn't heard any of my songs really out in public for many years. It was quite disturbing at first; my heart began racing faster than the spinning had taken it. But by the end of the track I had let my body fall into the rhythm of my 1993 hit, and if I am honest it felt good.. I really did miss my music, and I was beginning to wonder if my recent introvertedness was actually doing a disservice to my psyche. Once again inadvertently; Mara was asking me to search deep inside myself for answers.
My closet was definitely lacking in "Cool" clothes. All my good stuff was at my house at the Hamptons; this closet just held my fat boy shrouds, they consisted of mainly sweats and size thirty eight jeans. not that I was complaining finding that my size thirty eight jeans were way to big for me, but what clothes could I wear today?. Most days sweats were fine. Even recently I only needed workout clothes, and my sweats were perfect attire for that. However today I felt like a teenage girl with nothing to wear to the mall. Yet I was almost a forty-year old man, with nothing to wear to the mall. Sad! Go figure!
I then remembered that when my Mom moved in she had sort out most of my closet and had mentioned bagging my clothes from my leaner days. I got down on my hands and knees and ransacked every pile in my closet. It was the farthest corner of that I found a plastic bag with a tag that said Jon's Clothes written in my mothers handwriting. I could not remember half of the clothes that was stored in the bag, hell I could not even remember buying the stuff. silently I thanked my Mom for looking after me. They say Mom's know best and I now could see they really did.
Opening the bag I grabbed a white vest top and black sweater and some jeans size 34. They fitted comfortably, the rest of the jeans were a size thirty-two. Still away to go to get my ass into those. Re-tying the bag, I returned it to the closet. Checking the time; 10.30am, I made my way downstairs and to the kitchen. I poured myself a cup of coffee and rang Mara.
"Hey, good Morning, are you on your way? is it safe to talk?"
"Good Morning, yeah I am on my way will be with you in bout 15 minutes, sorry for delay I got held up with my first client of the day."
"No problem, take your time, we have all day, well I do, what time is your next client?" I asked but was hoping Mara would not have to leave.
"I don't have any other clients today Jon, I cleared my day to spend it with you to go shopping."
"Great, we can grab a bite to eat after then, if that's ok with you."
"Yeah that would be nice. No greasy burgers though ok"
"Salad and fries all the way ma'am" I said this in a humorous tone. Mara made me laugh, even on my non training day she was there reminding me what I could and could not eat!
"No fries Jon!!" I laughed,
"I was kidding, something healthy for us I get it!" Finally I said; "Drive safe, I'll see you when you get here." clicking the phone off I continued drinking my coffee and staring out of the kitchen window.
For a second or two my mind did not register what my eye's were seeing, and then I saw the red Camaro just at the end of my drive, standing outside the car was a women with blonde hair. from the distance I could not be sure but she looked familiar. I walked to the front door and stood outside. The women stared back at me. I made a move to hedge down the drive, but as I did the women got into the car and drove off. I put it down to a fan just checking out my house, but inside I was unnerved.
I stood thinking about the women as Mara turned into the drive, once parked and out of the car she walked up to me, I bent down and kissed her. "Hey, she said as our lips parted. I've certainly missed those". "Ditto" "Do you wanna coffee or anything before we leave?" "Nah, I'll just take some water if I can." Moving inside the house Mara made her way to the kitchen and to the fridge. Turning to look at me, she observed my attire. "My; my; Mr Giovi, don't you look good, I can see my training has certainly paid off with you" "Smiling I replied, "Yeah, I don't look to bad for an ol man do I?" Grabbing the keys to the vette I asked
" Ready Ma'am."
"Lead the way"
we left the house and headed for town and Rock Buddies Mall. A short drive and 15 minutes later, I had parked up, noted in the blue zone as we headed into the shopping mall.
As we walked Mara asked about the workout and spin class,
"So did you enjoy it? my class are hoping you will become a regular. You made a few of the girls hearts miss a beat I can tell you."
"they do, I did? really? wow, so I still got it then eh?"
"yeah, like you need to ask that"
"No seriously I do have to ask, Mara, I have told you I don't hold the ego I once had, that is why getting back with the guys is a huge ask of me."
"But surely you know you are a striking man Jon?"
"look every body is hung up on my looks, they always have been, I don't see it; I'm a guy no different to any other guy, only difference is I can sing and I'm well known for my job, period"
Mara refused to let up;
"Jon; you can have any women you want"
I was getting embarrassed,
"Mara please, enough.... ok, thanks', Look...softening my tone I said; "I don't just want any women, I just want you. how I look does not matter to me, what you think of me is all that matters. You are the one I want to be with,... really; I am flattered your class liked having me join them, but...."
stopping and turning to face Mara, as she did the same, I bent down to kiss her, giving everything I possessed in my kiss to let her know I was hers, and only hers. "Mara I am yours for as long as you want me" she stared at up at me and then smiled her warm smile and slipped her hand in mine.
Our walk continued in silence as each of us looked at the shop windows, a quarter of a mile into the mall we found the designer outlet. Inside I picked out three pairs of jeans, some t's and sweaters and five shirts, a jacket and some shoes. Paying the clerk we left the store and made our way to the food court. what I hadn't noticed was my visit to the mall had started to cause quite a stir and without me realising I had a little posse following me around the mall. Mara was the one to notice first.
"Jon, erm, look behind us."
I turned to look behind and saw five women in their late 30's tailing a way behind. I smiled at them and they moved forward. I posed for pictures and signed autographs happily thinking they would leave Mara and I alone. I was wrong. When we sat at the sushi bar, they sat and waited outside; as we left to head back to the car parking lot, they tailed along behind. I asked Mara if she was ok with it. I had gotten used to this way of life, but for someone not used to the spotlight it can be a little unnerving. Mara ever graceful said "it was fine," as she slid her hand into mine I could definitely feel her tremble though, I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and said "I'm here don't worry it'll be fine"
We picked up our speed somewhat and by the time we had reached the car we had lost the posse.
Pulling out of the parking lot, I had to stop for a red light, checking my mirror behind me I saw again the same red Camaro that I had seen that was parked at the end of my drive, before I left the house with Mara.
I did not want to panic Mara so I just observed on my way home. It followed me all the way to my house.
"Penny for them" Mara interjected,
"Eh, oh, nothing... sorry babe; I was just thinking what a great day I have had with you, I don't want it to end. how about you stop over tonight?, we could order a take out? ya know have a night off healthy eating and live dangerously, Whadda ya say"
"Oh, Jon I wish I could but I really have to back home as I have an appointment first thing in the morning at 6.30am, if it wasn't such a drive I'd happily stay. What about Friday though?"
"I thought for a moment, "Friday would be great, I'm having the kids on Friday too, could you clear your diary and spend the day with us? I would really love for you to meet the kids?"
"If your sure Jon, don't you want time on your own with them?"
"Of course I am sure, Mara, you are part of my life and the kids are part of my life too and I want you all to get to know each other, cos neither of you are going anywhere soon" smiling Mara said;
"Friday is it then, and Jon, no take out tonight promise me" pulling up on my drive I promised Mara; I so wanted a night off from healthy eating but a promise was a promise, wasn't it!
Welcome to Wherever You Are
Chapter 18
Arriving back at my house, I walked inside the lobby and then the kitchen to fix myself a drink. I thought over the meeting I had with Dot, still a little perplexed in why Dot had brought her Mom along as she never spoke a word, just sat giving me a stony glare the whole time we were talking. Why? what was the point? while I was thinking the door bell rang.
I answered the door, Mara walked in, she reached up and slid her hands around my neck and gave me a kiss. My arms wrapped around Mara and after our kiss I held her in my embrace; good to feel her body next to mine.
"So how did it go?"
"Really well, better than I expected. I am seeing the kids on Friday. Dot and I talked about everything and she was great, just like the Dot I used to know before my infidelity. what puzzles me is she brought her Mom along, I guess for support, but she said nothing not one word. she sat in silence just giving me a cold stony stare. It was freaky."
"umm, but if she was there to support her daughter, that's just what she did, so maybe her not saying anything was what Dot wanted. Don't over think it Jon, at least you and Dot have an agreement now, good job." then Mara added for good measure, "I find it hard to swallow that Dot's Mom did not fall for the Bongiovi charm and smile." Giggling she pulled away and went to get herself a glass of water.
I watched Mara, her supple body moved with grace as she got her drink, Looking outside the window it was a beautiful evening, I asked;
"Join me?"
"Where?" outside in the back yard?"
"Sure".
We both headed out the rear entrance, down the side of the house and out into the vast green area that was my back yard. I moved over to the white wicker love seat. Mara followed.
"Can I ask you a question Jon?"
"Sure"
"What is holding you back from getting Bon Jovi back together?"
Mara's question took me by surprise, but I looked her in the eyes,
"I don't want to be like that anymore. I didn't like who I was back then. now I'm completely done with that version of me."
"you don't like singing?"
"Oh, I loved singing. I loved being in touch with my music. I just need to establish my mind to everything else that went along with it."
"You are telling me, you can't have one without the other?, I find that hard to believe. You are your own master and you can say yes or no anytime you please."
Plain speaking was Mara's talent no doubt.
"I don't know, I just don't want to risk going back there, I'm not some twenty year old cocky kid anymore."
Mara wasn't going to let up.
"Don't you see Jon, you live there every day, you haven't moved away from that life; you live there day after day in your mind. until you get back on stage and do what you really love to do, it's always going to haunt you. I know it's a cliché, but you have to get back on the horse in order to get over the fall."
Fuck, was Mara my trainer or my therapist?.
"I don't know. I guess I am afraid. I don't think that highly of myself, and I just can't see how I can make this work this time. as I said I ain't that same cocky twenty-something kid who thought he could hang the moon; I'm old and I'm scared."
"well who isn't?" Mara squeezed my thigh right above my knee. What did I do to merit this wonderful women? I had no idea, but I loved her with every inch of my being. Mara understood me well, too well.
"What made you get into music in the first place?" I inhaled;
I shrugged. "Bruce Springsteen I guess; his music was fresh and new and all about rock n roll, .... music... makes me feel..... alive I guess. my soul ignites; the buzz when you write something and record it, then hear it played for the first time. I dun no, I guess music it hurts. it adds salt to our wounds. It can mend and heal, yes but it can cut like a knife. It can send us back in time..... or help propel us forward. It is a catalyst to the hearts emotion's; the harmony in our souls;." I exhaled. "
"For me, it's been the salt. the knife in my heart. bringing back every bad emotion associated with it. that's why I haven't picked up a guitar or played any other instrument... in all these years."
After a long pause, Mara interjected. "You gotta move forward though. Get past this. Why don't you try getting together with Richie and the other guy's in the band? just jam with them again. Give it a shot.... tell them you are not sure of your decision yet, but you'd at least like to play with them again unofficially. then you can all see where the music takes you."
She said the last sentence as if it were as light as air, just as if it was a simple as following the music. But how could I know if the devastation dwelled within my music. Could I even perform my old songs with the mirthfulness in which they were intended? or would the sunken man I've become be unveiled through my voice? It was not as easy as Mara made it sound. but it was worth a try.
I looked in her delicious eyes. "I'll think about it."
"Good. now as we missed our session today why don't you join me at my spin class tonight? it's a good crowd and I am sure you have nothing better to do."
"Thanks a lot." I did say it in a humorous tone, no sarcasm. "I don't know if I'm ready."
"Sure you are. in a short amount of time you are running three miles. Most of my members taking my class don't even do that. You will be able to keep up no problem. C'mon. It'll be fun.
"What time?"
Mara had a smug smile on her face.
"Seven. You know the gym right?"
"Yes"
"Great"
Shit, what had I just agreed to?. by the way, I am gonna do this for you tonight, can you do something for me?"
"Of course I can." Mara was so agreeable.
"Come shopping with me tomorrow?, I'm in desperate need of clothes that fit me, I hate shopping." I gave her my sad puppy dog eye's. Well I tired I had not given that look since I was about eight and I wanted my mom to buy me a new mongoose.
Mara grinned. "Sure, I'd love to come with you."
"OK. Well then it's off to spin class in a couple of hours." "I guess I better go take a nap."
Laughing Mara said, "You crack me up Jon, take a nap, your not 80 ya know. get your ass moving you'll feel much better when you do."
With another whip of my ass, we went back into the house and headed to the loft for a mini work out before heading to spin class. What the fuck was a spin class anyway?.
Arriving back at my house, I walked inside the lobby and then the kitchen to fix myself a drink. I thought over the meeting I had with Dot, still a little perplexed in why Dot had brought her Mom along as she never spoke a word, just sat giving me a stony glare the whole time we were talking. Why? what was the point? while I was thinking the door bell rang.
I answered the door, Mara walked in, she reached up and slid her hands around my neck and gave me a kiss. My arms wrapped around Mara and after our kiss I held her in my embrace; good to feel her body next to mine.
"So how did it go?"
"Really well, better than I expected. I am seeing the kids on Friday. Dot and I talked about everything and she was great, just like the Dot I used to know before my infidelity. what puzzles me is she brought her Mom along, I guess for support, but she said nothing not one word. she sat in silence just giving me a cold stony stare. It was freaky."
"umm, but if she was there to support her daughter, that's just what she did, so maybe her not saying anything was what Dot wanted. Don't over think it Jon, at least you and Dot have an agreement now, good job." then Mara added for good measure, "I find it hard to swallow that Dot's Mom did not fall for the Bongiovi charm and smile." Giggling she pulled away and went to get herself a glass of water.
I watched Mara, her supple body moved with grace as she got her drink, Looking outside the window it was a beautiful evening, I asked;
"Join me?"
"Where?" outside in the back yard?"
"Sure".
We both headed out the rear entrance, down the side of the house and out into the vast green area that was my back yard. I moved over to the white wicker love seat. Mara followed.
"Can I ask you a question Jon?"
"Sure"
"What is holding you back from getting Bon Jovi back together?"
Mara's question took me by surprise, but I looked her in the eyes,
"I don't want to be like that anymore. I didn't like who I was back then. now I'm completely done with that version of me."
"you don't like singing?"
"Oh, I loved singing. I loved being in touch with my music. I just need to establish my mind to everything else that went along with it."
"You are telling me, you can't have one without the other?, I find that hard to believe. You are your own master and you can say yes or no anytime you please."
Plain speaking was Mara's talent no doubt.
"I don't know, I just don't want to risk going back there, I'm not some twenty year old cocky kid anymore."
Mara wasn't going to let up.
"Don't you see Jon, you live there every day, you haven't moved away from that life; you live there day after day in your mind. until you get back on stage and do what you really love to do, it's always going to haunt you. I know it's a cliché, but you have to get back on the horse in order to get over the fall."
Fuck, was Mara my trainer or my therapist?.
"I don't know. I guess I am afraid. I don't think that highly of myself, and I just can't see how I can make this work this time. as I said I ain't that same cocky twenty-something kid who thought he could hang the moon; I'm old and I'm scared."
"well who isn't?" Mara squeezed my thigh right above my knee. What did I do to merit this wonderful women? I had no idea, but I loved her with every inch of my being. Mara understood me well, too well.
"What made you get into music in the first place?" I inhaled;
I shrugged. "Bruce Springsteen I guess; his music was fresh and new and all about rock n roll, .... music... makes me feel..... alive I guess. my soul ignites; the buzz when you write something and record it, then hear it played for the first time. I dun no, I guess music it hurts. it adds salt to our wounds. It can mend and heal, yes but it can cut like a knife. It can send us back in time..... or help propel us forward. It is a catalyst to the hearts emotion's; the harmony in our souls;." I exhaled. "
"For me, it's been the salt. the knife in my heart. bringing back every bad emotion associated with it. that's why I haven't picked up a guitar or played any other instrument... in all these years."
After a long pause, Mara interjected. "You gotta move forward though. Get past this. Why don't you try getting together with Richie and the other guy's in the band? just jam with them again. Give it a shot.... tell them you are not sure of your decision yet, but you'd at least like to play with them again unofficially. then you can all see where the music takes you."
She said the last sentence as if it were as light as air, just as if it was a simple as following the music. But how could I know if the devastation dwelled within my music. Could I even perform my old songs with the mirthfulness in which they were intended? or would the sunken man I've become be unveiled through my voice? It was not as easy as Mara made it sound. but it was worth a try.
I looked in her delicious eyes. "I'll think about it."
"Good. now as we missed our session today why don't you join me at my spin class tonight? it's a good crowd and I am sure you have nothing better to do."
"Thanks a lot." I did say it in a humorous tone, no sarcasm. "I don't know if I'm ready."
"Sure you are. in a short amount of time you are running three miles. Most of my members taking my class don't even do that. You will be able to keep up no problem. C'mon. It'll be fun.
"What time?"
Mara had a smug smile on her face.
"Seven. You know the gym right?"
"Yes"
"Great"
Shit, what had I just agreed to?. by the way, I am gonna do this for you tonight, can you do something for me?"
"Of course I can." Mara was so agreeable.
"Come shopping with me tomorrow?, I'm in desperate need of clothes that fit me, I hate shopping." I gave her my sad puppy dog eye's. Well I tired I had not given that look since I was about eight and I wanted my mom to buy me a new mongoose.
Mara grinned. "Sure, I'd love to come with you."
"OK. Well then it's off to spin class in a couple of hours." "I guess I better go take a nap."
Laughing Mara said, "You crack me up Jon, take a nap, your not 80 ya know. get your ass moving you'll feel much better when you do."
With another whip of my ass, we went back into the house and headed to the loft for a mini work out before heading to spin class. What the fuck was a spin class anyway?.
Sunday 5 May 2013
I Am.....
Chapter seventeen
After breakfast, Mara left to meet with her clients, she had three appointments today, as she kissed me goodbye she reminded me again to go and talk to Dot and sort out our differences for the sake of my sanity and our kids. I was not looking forward to it, but it was something I had to do.
Coffee in hand; I dialled Dots number and waited;
"Hello"
"Dot, its Jon, please don't hang up; .........listen, I'm sorry for this morning, I really am, but you made me mad... and... well it's no excuse... but ..... we can't carry on like this, hurting each other; can we meet up and discuss things calmly? you and I bitchin is no solution.
Your right; this is affecting out kids and its time we behaved like adults.
so; I was thinking; you know the Armour's Diner on Mount? can you meet me there at three o'clock?"
Dot said nothing the whole time I was talking until I finished then answered.
"Fine three o'clock" and the line went dead.
I felt anxious about meeting my ex wife, our past track record since my infidelity had not been great and strained was a polite way of putting it, but for the sake of Jesse, Steph and Jake I had to put a stop to this hate and fighting. My kids were everything to me; and not being able to see them was killing me.
Looking at the time two ten, I had fifty minutes to gather my thoughts and think about how I was gonna sort things with Dot. I wished so bad that Mara could be with me; to support me; but as they say I made my bed and now had to lie in it.
I played my talk with Dot over and over in my head, planning what I was gonna say.
Leaving the house; walking to the car I thought I had it clear in my mind and felt a little more relaxed.
It was a short drive to Armour's Diner, and I parked up and headed inside. Taking the booth at the back of the Diner, I thought we would have some privacy to talk.
The waitress came over,
"Hi, my names Cherie and I will be your server today, here's our menu, the specials are on the board there, what can I get you to drink while you choose?"
"Hi, just coffee Thanks, no food."
"OK, taking the menu she said, be right back".
The waitress took off and huddled with her work mates in the corner the whispering had begun. Quick as lighting she was back with my coffee.
The usual are you Jon Bon Jovi was asked; I obliged with pictures and autographs, then asked Cherie respectfully to be left alone. She agreed to keep order among her work mates and give me the privacy I asked for.
Three ten and I saw Dot walk into the Diner; with her was her Mom. Great; just what I needed a lecture.
I motioned to Dot and they made there way over.
Now; more than ever I wished Mara was with me.
Arriving at the booth Dot gestured for her mom to enter the booth first. politely I said hi to my ex in law, my greeting was met with a cold stony stare; Dot sat down next.
"Thanks for meeting me Dot, can I get you a coffee or something to eat?"
"no thanks, lets just get on with this" Still there was anger in her voice. This wasn't gonna be easy.
"OK, Dot, if I can have my say and then you can talk and then hopefully we can come to an amicable solution for the sake of our kids, is that alright?"
"Yeah."
Taking a deep breath I began,
"This is hard but here goes,
"I know I hurt you; god knows for seven years I beat myself up and have lived with the guilt of that night over and over. But I can't do that anymore Dot. It aint bringing back what I lost,
I know you hate me, but trust me, you couldn't hate me more than I hate myself. Losing you was a result of my inexcusable actions and from the bottom of my heart I'm sorry. I lost my unborn Son too and that kills me more than anything; but now I'm losing my other kids too.
C'mon, can we sort this out? I need to see my kids? we can do it however suits you best I will be as flexible as you want, swallowing a lump in my throat.
As I said the last sentence I looked down at my coffee cup, tears pricking the back of my eyes. I had not seen my kids for 9 months and I had an ache in my heart that was overwhelming.
Dorothea looked at me the whole time I was talking, finally she spoke more than one word, her voice much softer.
"Jon, I'm the way I am because......... well; I still love you; I suppose I always will, what you said this morning; broke me inside. There's not a day goes by I don't think of our Son.
Over the years I let you shatter my heart over and over again Jon.
I tolerated your indiscretions, but when I found you in our marital bed; well that was unforgivable.
Yes I 'm guilty of using the kids to hurt you. I wanted you to know how much you had really hurt me; to show you what you lost, ........but what I've have done is wrong, turning the kids against you is inexcusable and I'm sorry Jon.
Taking my hand in hers she softened to the Dot I used to remember. I do want the kids to know ya, your are an assole to me", she smiled as she said this with no malice in her voice, "but you're a wonderful father, and yes the kids really miss ya. Jon, if we are gonna do this; don't let them down.
When we split the kids couldn't understand why? I shielded them from the truth, my mom helped me. Now that Jesse and Steph are older they understand what happened but Jake still has no idea, I don't want him to know. I hate all the fighting......... and yes I want us to be friends and to move on. hell; that's why I agreed to meet you here. There was a slight pause before Dot said; "So when do ya wanna see the kids Jon, and how do ya wanna to do this?"
At last we had cleared the air, both if us letting go the years of hurt and pain.
"Friday?, can I call to the house and pick um up? I could take um to a movie, dinner and have them home by nightfall?"
"Friday's fine, what time?"
"ten am?"
"Right; ten am Friday I'll let um know"
"Thanks, Dot; I'm glad we have been able to talk, no more looking back eh? lets focus on the future an Our kids and give um the best of us, no more bitchin and fighting, do ya agree?"
Dot looked at me, with watery eyes she smiled. My Ex Mother in Law, said nothing. I rose from the booth and moved to Dorothea's side, taking her hand I helped her out of the booth and gave her a hug and thanked her for everything. Both of us stood in an embrace for what seemed like ages, when at last we parted, we held each others hand and looked at one another, both of us with tears in our eyes. Finally Dot broke her hand from mine as she waited for her mother to exit the booth. As she left she confirmed the time and day again with me.
I sat back at the booth and summoned the waitress and requested the check. paying the bill I left the Diner.
In my heart I was relieved; we had been able to at last get over the past and we would be moving forward.
With Mara and my kids in my life; I now had to decide did I really wanna get back to performing with Bon Jovi.
After breakfast, Mara left to meet with her clients, she had three appointments today, as she kissed me goodbye she reminded me again to go and talk to Dot and sort out our differences for the sake of my sanity and our kids. I was not looking forward to it, but it was something I had to do.
Coffee in hand; I dialled Dots number and waited;
"Hello"
"Dot, its Jon, please don't hang up; .........listen, I'm sorry for this morning, I really am, but you made me mad... and... well it's no excuse... but ..... we can't carry on like this, hurting each other; can we meet up and discuss things calmly? you and I bitchin is no solution.
Your right; this is affecting out kids and its time we behaved like adults.
so; I was thinking; you know the Armour's Diner on Mount? can you meet me there at three o'clock?"
Dot said nothing the whole time I was talking until I finished then answered.
"Fine three o'clock" and the line went dead.
I felt anxious about meeting my ex wife, our past track record since my infidelity had not been great and strained was a polite way of putting it, but for the sake of Jesse, Steph and Jake I had to put a stop to this hate and fighting. My kids were everything to me; and not being able to see them was killing me.
Looking at the time two ten, I had fifty minutes to gather my thoughts and think about how I was gonna sort things with Dot. I wished so bad that Mara could be with me; to support me; but as they say I made my bed and now had to lie in it.
I played my talk with Dot over and over in my head, planning what I was gonna say.
Leaving the house; walking to the car I thought I had it clear in my mind and felt a little more relaxed.
It was a short drive to Armour's Diner, and I parked up and headed inside. Taking the booth at the back of the Diner, I thought we would have some privacy to talk.
The waitress came over,
"Hi, my names Cherie and I will be your server today, here's our menu, the specials are on the board there, what can I get you to drink while you choose?"
"Hi, just coffee Thanks, no food."
"OK, taking the menu she said, be right back".
The waitress took off and huddled with her work mates in the corner the whispering had begun. Quick as lighting she was back with my coffee.
The usual are you Jon Bon Jovi was asked; I obliged with pictures and autographs, then asked Cherie respectfully to be left alone. She agreed to keep order among her work mates and give me the privacy I asked for.
Three ten and I saw Dot walk into the Diner; with her was her Mom. Great; just what I needed a lecture.
I motioned to Dot and they made there way over.
Now; more than ever I wished Mara was with me.
Arriving at the booth Dot gestured for her mom to enter the booth first. politely I said hi to my ex in law, my greeting was met with a cold stony stare; Dot sat down next.
"Thanks for meeting me Dot, can I get you a coffee or something to eat?"
"no thanks, lets just get on with this" Still there was anger in her voice. This wasn't gonna be easy.
"OK, Dot, if I can have my say and then you can talk and then hopefully we can come to an amicable solution for the sake of our kids, is that alright?"
"Yeah."
Taking a deep breath I began,
"This is hard but here goes,
"I know I hurt you; god knows for seven years I beat myself up and have lived with the guilt of that night over and over. But I can't do that anymore Dot. It aint bringing back what I lost,
I know you hate me, but trust me, you couldn't hate me more than I hate myself. Losing you was a result of my inexcusable actions and from the bottom of my heart I'm sorry. I lost my unborn Son too and that kills me more than anything; but now I'm losing my other kids too.
C'mon, can we sort this out? I need to see my kids? we can do it however suits you best I will be as flexible as you want, swallowing a lump in my throat.
As I said the last sentence I looked down at my coffee cup, tears pricking the back of my eyes. I had not seen my kids for 9 months and I had an ache in my heart that was overwhelming.
Dorothea looked at me the whole time I was talking, finally she spoke more than one word, her voice much softer.
"Jon, I'm the way I am because......... well; I still love you; I suppose I always will, what you said this morning; broke me inside. There's not a day goes by I don't think of our Son.
Over the years I let you shatter my heart over and over again Jon.
I tolerated your indiscretions, but when I found you in our marital bed; well that was unforgivable.
Yes I 'm guilty of using the kids to hurt you. I wanted you to know how much you had really hurt me; to show you what you lost, ........but what I've have done is wrong, turning the kids against you is inexcusable and I'm sorry Jon.
Taking my hand in hers she softened to the Dot I used to remember. I do want the kids to know ya, your are an assole to me", she smiled as she said this with no malice in her voice, "but you're a wonderful father, and yes the kids really miss ya. Jon, if we are gonna do this; don't let them down.
When we split the kids couldn't understand why? I shielded them from the truth, my mom helped me. Now that Jesse and Steph are older they understand what happened but Jake still has no idea, I don't want him to know. I hate all the fighting......... and yes I want us to be friends and to move on. hell; that's why I agreed to meet you here. There was a slight pause before Dot said; "So when do ya wanna see the kids Jon, and how do ya wanna to do this?"
At last we had cleared the air, both if us letting go the years of hurt and pain.
"Friday?, can I call to the house and pick um up? I could take um to a movie, dinner and have them home by nightfall?"
"Friday's fine, what time?"
"ten am?"
"Right; ten am Friday I'll let um know"
"Thanks, Dot; I'm glad we have been able to talk, no more looking back eh? lets focus on the future an Our kids and give um the best of us, no more bitchin and fighting, do ya agree?"
Dot looked at me, with watery eyes she smiled. My Ex Mother in Law, said nothing. I rose from the booth and moved to Dorothea's side, taking her hand I helped her out of the booth and gave her a hug and thanked her for everything. Both of us stood in an embrace for what seemed like ages, when at last we parted, we held each others hand and looked at one another, both of us with tears in our eyes. Finally Dot broke her hand from mine as she waited for her mother to exit the booth. As she left she confirmed the time and day again with me.
I sat back at the booth and summoned the waitress and requested the check. paying the bill I left the Diner.
In my heart I was relieved; we had been able to at last get over the past and we would be moving forward.
With Mara and my kids in my life; I now had to decide did I really wanna get back to performing with Bon Jovi.
Saturday 4 May 2013
Dirty Little Secret
Chapter 16
Our love making truly brought about everything that I had forgotten. Making love was different to just fucking.
Mara was sensitive, gentle, giving, everything I once had with Dot, until I threw it away.
It felt like god was now saying:- "hey Jon, you fucked up man, but you deserve a second chance at happiness",
Happiness, was one thing the energy I had and the new zest for life was something else.
I would never have guessed in my wildest dreams that Mara would have been able to change me to the man I feel I am now. but she has and I thank god for bringing me my angel.
Sitting in my sleeping quarters I found myself thinking of a new song, the same lines repeating over and over in my head.
For the first time in seven years, I had started to think about songs again; my inner self had woken and wanted to write. searching around the room I found a pad, frayed and curled at the edges, and then a pen. scribbling hard to get the ink flowing, I wrote:-
"Dirty Little Secret"
Our love making truly brought about everything that I had forgotten. Making love was different to just fucking.
Mara was sensitive, gentle, giving, everything I once had with Dot, until I threw it away.
It felt like god was now saying:- "hey Jon, you fucked up man, but you deserve a second chance at happiness",
Happiness, was one thing the energy I had and the new zest for life was something else.
I would never have guessed in my wildest dreams that Mara would have been able to change me to the man I feel I am now. but she has and I thank god for bringing me my angel.
Sitting in my sleeping quarters I found myself thinking of a new song, the same lines repeating over and over in my head.
For the first time in seven years, I had started to think about songs again; my inner self had woken and wanted to write. searching around the room I found a pad, frayed and curled at the edges, and then a pen. scribbling hard to get the ink flowing, I wrote:-
"Dirty Little Secret"
I light a candle
In the garden of love
To blind the angels
Looking down from above
I want, I need
The fruit of your pine
It tastes so bitter sweet
Cause I know it's not mine
I want to come inside
Hit the lights
And I'll come crawling to your window tonight
Come on and send the sign
I'll be your dirty little secret and you'll be mine
You got me knock knock knocking at your door
And I'll be coming back for more
We made a promise and we keep it
Our dirty little secret
We act like strangers
When you're holding his hand
Cause there's a danger
That we both understand
We run like thief's
Through the temple of sin
Till we fall on our knees then you go back to him
I want to feel alive
Hit the lights
And I'll come crawling to your window tonight
Come on and send the sign
I'll be your dirty little secret and you'll be mine
You got me knock knock knocking at your door
And I'll be coming back for more
We made a promise and we keep it
Our dirty little secret
Hit the lights
And I'll come crawling to your window tonight
Come on and send the sign
I'll be your dirty little secret and you'll be mine
You got me knock knock knocking at your door
And I'll be coming back for more
We made a promise and we keep it
Our dirty little secret
Our dirty little secret
Our dirty little secret
Our dirty little secret
Our dirty little secret
In the garden of love
To blind the angels
Looking down from above
I want, I need
The fruit of your pine
It tastes so bitter sweet
Cause I know it's not mine
I want to come inside
Hit the lights
And I'll come crawling to your window tonight
Come on and send the sign
I'll be your dirty little secret and you'll be mine
You got me knock knock knocking at your door
And I'll be coming back for more
We made a promise and we keep it
Our dirty little secret
We act like strangers
When you're holding his hand
Cause there's a danger
That we both understand
We run like thief's
Through the temple of sin
Till we fall on our knees then you go back to him
I want to feel alive
Hit the lights
And I'll come crawling to your window tonight
Come on and send the sign
I'll be your dirty little secret and you'll be mine
You got me knock knock knocking at your door
And I'll be coming back for more
We made a promise and we keep it
Our dirty little secret
Hit the lights
And I'll come crawling to your window tonight
Come on and send the sign
I'll be your dirty little secret and you'll be mine
You got me knock knock knocking at your door
And I'll be coming back for more
We made a promise and we keep it
Our dirty little secret
Our dirty little secret
Our dirty little secret
Our dirty little secret
Our dirty little secret
Once on paper, I read the lyrics, analysing the song; did I really think of Mara as my Dirty Little Secret; no I didn't, Mara was my secret but there was nothing dirty about her. The dirt was a long time ago, so this was a collaboration of both my lives, past and present.
I looked over my shoulder to see Mara, blissfully still sleeping, her hair had fallen softly across the pillow, her cheeks in the light creeping through the window brushed against the rosy hue of her cheeks and full sweet pink lips.
I sat just watching Mara, feeling contented and well.... happy...... Mara began to stir; she smiled at me as she woke and raised herself onto her elbows,
"Hi, good morning handsome"
"Did you sleep well?"
" Ummm yeah thanks really well, what time is it?"
"Quarter after eleven," I moved to the bed and sat next to Mara.
"Would you like breakfast? toast, fruit, cereal?"
" fruit would be fine for me and a coffee please"
"Hi, good morning handsome"
"Did you sleep well?"
" Ummm yeah thanks really well, what time is it?"
"Quarter after eleven," I moved to the bed and sat next to Mara.
"Would you like breakfast? toast, fruit, cereal?"
" fruit would be fine for me and a coffee please"
I Lent over and gave Mara a good morning kiss, the instant we kissed the impulse shocks I had felt surged through my veins.
"Fruit and coffee for ma'am it is, I'll be right back."
I left my sleeping quarters and made my way to the kitchen, thoughts of Mara distracting me as I sort about making coffee and preparing the breakfast for us both. that's why when the door bell rang, I jumped, nearly dropping the coffee pot, placing it on the back on the counter; I went to answer the door.
I was not really sure who to expect to be on the other side, but nothing could have shocked me more than when I saw Dorothea standing on my door step.
Her face was contorted with anger and without being asked she Barged her way into my lobby,
"Jon, we need to talk"
I felt my heart start to race as sarcastically I said "Please do come in"
closing the door I turned to look at Dorothea.
"So what do you want to talk about? for seven years nothing and now today you need to talk? what the fuck dot"
Dorothea's eye's were blazing as she spoke,
"Is it true?"
"Is what true"
She repeated the same question, "Is it true Jon?"
"what the fuck are you on about?"
"What I've been told."
"Well unless you tell me, how can I answer you" my patience was starting to wear thin, Dot always liked to play cat and mouse games. During our marriage it used to piss me off and Dot knew exactly how to do that even now.
"I have been told you are now screwing your fitness instructor, Well?"
"What goddamn business is it of yours who I sleep with, we ain't married anymore remember."
The anger was building inside me and I had started to pace. Dot knew the signs but she continued.
"It is my business, I am the mother of your children Jon. I know you cared nothing for me to play around when we were together, but can't you stop being so fucking selfish for one minute and think of your kids, how this will affect them?"
Raising my voice I continued " Just how the fuck will it affect the kids eh Dot?, please do tell me as I am such a bad fucking father, every time I try to make arrangements with you to see the kids, YOU always throw a reason as to why I can't into the mix, so maybe Dot you should look at what you have done to the kids rather than me. You have poisoned my kids against me, with all the hate you carry for me." before I could stop the next sentence it flew out of my mouth... "You fucking killed our unborn child to punish me and fuck you did a good job...I..." I stopped mid flow realisation hitting me like a sledge hammer. "Dot, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean...."
"Fuck you Jon, once an assole always an assole"" with tears streaming down her face she left and slammed the door.
I stood in silence, drained and a knot gnawing at my stomach, how the hell did I let that happen?, I jumped as I felt a pair of hands gently touch my shoulder, turning round I saw Mara looking at me, her eye's gentle and not judging me for what I had just said, She must have heard everything, I was cruel and out of order. I had shown a side of me that I never wanted Mara to see. truth is, Dot was the only person that could really push me over the edge, although my dad could come close Dot always managed it with ease.
Mara, slid her arms around me and pulled me close for a hug. gratefully I hugged her back. "I'm sorry, I really did not mean for that to happen or for what I said to Dot,...."
"Sssshhhhhh, it's OK, we all say things in the heat of the moment, from what I heard Jon, Dorothea was not in the mood for pleasantries as she came in.
you do need to talk to her though Jon, you can't leave things as they are, you both need to talk calmly and set boundaries, for both of you. Your kids are important and they are innocent parties caught in the crossfire between two duelling parents. If you need me to be with you; I will be by your side; but honestly this is something you really should do together on your own. You should choose a place of neutral meeting, somewhere neither of you can argue."
Mara was right, the anger and hate was useless, both Dot and I had thrown hate at each other for so long neither of us had really stopped to think about how it was affecting our children. Me with the guilt and Dot with the constant accusations. I made a mental note to contact Dot later and make the arrangements for us to meet. Moving into the future with Mara I needed to lay the ghosts and my failed marriage to rest. Dot and I needed to focus on the kids not our hate.
Mara stood back releasing me from her hug, smiling "so where's my breakfast Bon Jovi" and lightly smacking my ass, Mara pushed me back towards the kitchen to finish my duties. she followed me through and winked as she headed back to the bedroom....
"Fruit and coffee for ma'am it is, I'll be right back."
I left my sleeping quarters and made my way to the kitchen, thoughts of Mara distracting me as I sort about making coffee and preparing the breakfast for us both. that's why when the door bell rang, I jumped, nearly dropping the coffee pot, placing it on the back on the counter; I went to answer the door.
I was not really sure who to expect to be on the other side, but nothing could have shocked me more than when I saw Dorothea standing on my door step.
Her face was contorted with anger and without being asked she Barged her way into my lobby,
"Jon, we need to talk"
I felt my heart start to race as sarcastically I said "Please do come in"
closing the door I turned to look at Dorothea.
"So what do you want to talk about? for seven years nothing and now today you need to talk? what the fuck dot"
Dorothea's eye's were blazing as she spoke,
"Is it true?"
"Is what true"
She repeated the same question, "Is it true Jon?"
"what the fuck are you on about?"
"What I've been told."
"Well unless you tell me, how can I answer you" my patience was starting to wear thin, Dot always liked to play cat and mouse games. During our marriage it used to piss me off and Dot knew exactly how to do that even now.
"I have been told you are now screwing your fitness instructor, Well?"
"What goddamn business is it of yours who I sleep with, we ain't married anymore remember."
The anger was building inside me and I had started to pace. Dot knew the signs but she continued.
"It is my business, I am the mother of your children Jon. I know you cared nothing for me to play around when we were together, but can't you stop being so fucking selfish for one minute and think of your kids, how this will affect them?"
Raising my voice I continued " Just how the fuck will it affect the kids eh Dot?, please do tell me as I am such a bad fucking father, every time I try to make arrangements with you to see the kids, YOU always throw a reason as to why I can't into the mix, so maybe Dot you should look at what you have done to the kids rather than me. You have poisoned my kids against me, with all the hate you carry for me." before I could stop the next sentence it flew out of my mouth... "You fucking killed our unborn child to punish me and fuck you did a good job...I..." I stopped mid flow realisation hitting me like a sledge hammer. "Dot, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean...."
"Fuck you Jon, once an assole always an assole"" with tears streaming down her face she left and slammed the door.
I stood in silence, drained and a knot gnawing at my stomach, how the hell did I let that happen?, I jumped as I felt a pair of hands gently touch my shoulder, turning round I saw Mara looking at me, her eye's gentle and not judging me for what I had just said, She must have heard everything, I was cruel and out of order. I had shown a side of me that I never wanted Mara to see. truth is, Dot was the only person that could really push me over the edge, although my dad could come close Dot always managed it with ease.
Mara, slid her arms around me and pulled me close for a hug. gratefully I hugged her back. "I'm sorry, I really did not mean for that to happen or for what I said to Dot,...."
"Sssshhhhhh, it's OK, we all say things in the heat of the moment, from what I heard Jon, Dorothea was not in the mood for pleasantries as she came in.
you do need to talk to her though Jon, you can't leave things as they are, you both need to talk calmly and set boundaries, for both of you. Your kids are important and they are innocent parties caught in the crossfire between two duelling parents. If you need me to be with you; I will be by your side; but honestly this is something you really should do together on your own. You should choose a place of neutral meeting, somewhere neither of you can argue."
Mara was right, the anger and hate was useless, both Dot and I had thrown hate at each other for so long neither of us had really stopped to think about how it was affecting our children. Me with the guilt and Dot with the constant accusations. I made a mental note to contact Dot later and make the arrangements for us to meet. Moving into the future with Mara I needed to lay the ghosts and my failed marriage to rest. Dot and I needed to focus on the kids not our hate.
Mara stood back releasing me from her hug, smiling "so where's my breakfast Bon Jovi" and lightly smacking my ass, Mara pushed me back towards the kitchen to finish my duties. she followed me through and winked as she headed back to the bedroom....
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